In the grand scheme of things a woman is responsible for her home. I know that might draw fire from all kinds of people and forums, but it is true. A woman is the heart of any home. That heart will show itself in a hundred different ways, with a hundred different results, but it is true. I am not saying that a man cannot create a home, he can, but if there is a woman there, she creates the heart of it. It does not matter if she is single, married, has children or not. In all she does and does not do, she creates and maintains the spirit and atmosphere in her home.
There are some elements of a home that can be delegated by a woman and there are some elements that cannot. An example of delegateable (a word?) elements: housekeeping and interior design. Those parts of creating and maintaining a home may be delegated (in part or totally). I remember a general authority of the church telling the story of a bishop or stake president counseling a man concerning his marriage. The man loved his wife, and acknowledged her accomplishments and talents freely. But he could not get over the fact that she was a terrible housekeeper. It was destroying their marriage. The counsel of that Priesthood leader was HIRE A HOUSEKEEPER!! I concur. Because a woman is responsible for her home does not mean that she must do EVERYTHING related to that home any more than a CEO does every job in his company.
For me the killer was interior design. When I first married I felt I had no design genes at all. Jeff did. He knew what looked great and what did not, and I relied on him. It worked. In these later years I have gotten more sure of myself, or I have come to feel fine about what I like. As a result, I chose (in consultation with my man, Jeff) the colors, window treatments, and furniture for our new bedroom... AND I love that room. Our house is comfortable, warm and welcoming. It pleases me greatly to walk in and sigh with contentment. It is always a good choice to learn from those we know have more skill than we do.
There are, however, elements of creating and maintaining a home that a woman cannot delegate. Generally, when Dad wakes up grumpy, he goes to work grumpy. OK. But when Mom wakes up grumpy, by the time everyone leaves for work and school, everyone is grumpy. If Mom comes home from work grumpy, by bath time, everyone is grumpy. When she is nervous or on edge because of super stressors everyone is edgy, short tempered, and snippy. Dad can run interference (thankfully) and help mitigate the consequences of grumpy, sad, worried, stressed Mom, but the underlying current is in her hands. She must see it, deal with it, work through it and make life better for herself and everyone around her. It is her responsibility to create and maintain a place that is safe from the world, a haven that welcomes the members of the family and those they invite in to share that haven. Happily, she does not do this without resources. There are plenty of how to books and blogs, and plenty of counsel from those have spiritual stewardship for her. The scriptures and prayer will yield much in the way of guidance, and perfection is not necessary in this realm. She learns as she crashes and burns, gets up and tries again... and again... and again...
Wonderfully, children and husbands are resilient and quick to forgive this woman they love SO MUCH. So each time she has to correct her course of action, they are right there, ready for the next step. They settle into the new positive course as quickly as she makes the turn. They are happy when she is happy.
ALSO, the other side is true as well. When Mom is happy, positive, and content so is her family. She sends them out with her attitude, her outlook, her perspective. They go about their day with her blessing and influence enveloping them. So often good days can be traced back to Mom and the last thing she said or did before the children left the house.
I am not saying Dad has no influence, he does. Children watch him, mimic him, cry for him, love every moment he is home. But, the home is Mom's responsibility. It is her realm. She will answer to the Lord for how she handled that responsibility when she stands before Him after death. She does not need to be perfect (children need difficulties to learn to deal with the world, and home is the perfect place to get them). She does not need to be the perfect cook, housekeeper, homework monitor, laundry lady or interior designer. She needs to be a problem solver, a prayer, a forgiver, a teacher, and she needs to love her family above all else. It is a wise plan. It is a plan that brings satisfaction and joy to all involved.
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