Marriage is Work

I have heard that line so many times in my life, and for many years I just did not understand it. I think I do now, or at least I think I get it... a little.

Marriages don't last a lifetime by chance. As a matter of fact most don't last 7 years. So what is the difference between a marriage that falls apart, one that survives and one that thrives? A marriage that fails brings heartbreak.  A marriage that survives is OK.  If a marriage is surviving, and the partners want their marriage to thrive, they can move in that direction.

However a marriage that thrives is one that provides what is needed for both partners to grow, be happy, to learn. There is love and support. When adversity hits, both partners know they will not be alone, that they have someone with whom they will be able to work through the adversity. They are a team that knows they are a team. No. Matter. What.

A marriage works when two people are in all the way. A marriage works when two people care more about their family than they do themselves. A marriage works when the two partners work at it. These partners are not perfect, they don't always get along, they don't even like each other sometimes. But their commitment is deep and they know it is all about growing into a celestial marriage that will make their family happy for all eternity. It is not just two people, it is an entire family. A fundamentally happy one. 

This kind of marriage works because both partners pray, find time to read the scriptures, learn to talk openly with each other, listen carefully to each other, and appreciate each others' strengths even when they are annoyed or mad at each other.

Good marriage partners are kind when they don't want to be, keep their mouths shut when they want to spew their anger, look for the positive when all they see in a moment is the negative. They learn to behave the way they want their partner to behave. Good marriage partners don't believe that their marriage will be better when their partner changes. They know it will get better as they, themselves, change.  They don't try to get even, or try to make sure they get their fair share. They look for ways that they can make life better, and when asked, they give kind useful feedback. Good partners learn to ask for feedback from the one they love, knowing that whatever they say, their partner loves and cares for them. They don't avoid conflict, they work through it until they find solutions, growth, and satisfaction.

Please understand that I am not speaking from the platform of perfection on this topic. I am speaking from the arena of experience. My marriage is not perfect, we have good and bad days, weeks and months.  But it is good, and getting better as we grow older. I can look at our issues and see that we are slowly working our way through them.  We finally find we have a little more patience with each others' shortcomings. We are a little less intense with each other, a little more forgiving. It has been effort over a long time.

Now our children are creating their own lives... raising their own families... and I hope they have a vision of the unit they are working to create that will expand ours and make all our lives more full.