This n That

I got an email from an old friend today.  It was such a treat to hear from her, and catch up on her young family.  It made me miss good friends, the kind I see every day or so, and know the little details of their lives...  (and they know mine.)  Colleagues, friends, fellow church goers...  people I have spent time with solving problems, creating and implementing lessons, parties, activities, workshops, finding ways to meet the challenges of work, family, church and community.  I miss my pre-cancer life, friends, responsibilities and recreation.  So, instead I.....

....  help Drew with his business,and I am finding myself quickly becoming his office manager.  I kind of like the sound of that.  Pay?  eh...  but it is fun....it has  kept me sane in a cancer treatment driven life.  It provides a routine for my world that is not associated with Dr appointments, and forces my brain to deal with numbers, money, dates, and taxes.... all of which are far enough out of my comfort zone to provide a needed challenge.  Weirdly enough doing this for him provides peace I don't find anywhere else.  So, until he is ready to actually hire someone, I will gladly assist... because I can... because I enjoy it....  because it helps me feel useful... every. single. day.

.... am planning to do a tri-sprint  in Oct.  I am just getting on the bike this last week or so.  The weather and terrain is perfect here.  (for me)  I have been swimming all winter and I am much stronger than I was.  When I started in Dec I could not swim two laps freestyle.  Now I am up to 16... without stopping.  that is a huge improvement.  

I am still a terrible runner, but I will get to that.  

Overall, i think I can do this... and maybe even do it well.  My goal is 90 minutes, which is nothing to brag about in any setting, but I will be ecstatic if I can make it. I did sign up for it already, which means money is involved.  Therefore, I am committed.  :)

....  miss teaching.  It has been almost three years since I quit.  I drive past a community center regularly and a place called the Communiversity, which is several universities that have pooled resources to create a community university to help people get ready for higher education at a more reasonable price and setting.  I want to teach there.  However, I cannot even take the first steps until we are finished going back and forth to PA to sell the house.  AND, it looks like that will happen sooner than later.  We have two guys from Philadelphia who are interested.  We meet in two weeks to hammer out some details and see where we go from here.  Then I will seriously look into teaching again.  

AND see, this is me.  writing.  again. Go me. 

A moment...

I'm finding that I miss the branch more than I thought I would. LDS east and LDS west are not the same creature, and this will take some adjustment. But, I'm grateful to be here. (Visiting teaching is SSOOOOO easy to schedule.... And sometimes so awkward when I get there). Still, I know this is The Place for the moment and I'm savoring every minute in case it is a short moment.  We made a decision and here we are.

Jeff, although he misses his mountain terribly, is thriving and looks younger every day. Our back yard is slowing changing from a square of desert dirt to a lovely desert courtyard of color and texture. It has Jeff's hand all over it, and that makes me happy too.

We have blossoms on our two new little (and I emphasize little) citrus trees, and we are learning all about the hazards of irrigating, including lines that pop their ends and send water everywhere, including the front of the neighbors house. 

Fasting regularly

I learned about fasting in a religious and spiritual context.  

As the child of parents who were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I learned about fasting early. I learned that at the age of 8 or so, my siblings and I could miss breakfast on the first Sunday of the month while concentrating on prayer and spiritual things. (At the time it was more about feeling hungry and less about prayer and spiritual things.)  We saw that our parents skipped two meals that day and then donated money to the Fast Offering Fund of the church to be used to care for the poor.  

As I grew, I, too, learned to skip two meals on Fast Sunday and to pray for my own needs and the needs of those I cared about.  As an adult I, too, donate to the Fast Offering Fund in order to help care for those who have less than I do.  I try to be generous when donating to this fund, recognizing that my generosity will better help those who need help, and that it will help me to make a sacrifice that is enough to make me think. A sacrifice that causes me to pause when I contribute helps me feel my contribution, just as missing two meals and feeling hungry helps me feel for a moment what those who are poor feel on a regular basis.

I grew up in a family of small means.  As a child I did not feel poor, but I knew our resources were limited, and that my Mom worked hard to make little stretch into sufficient and, at times, plenty.  I knew that Christmas and birthdays came from Goodwill and flea markets. (Back then it was not chic to shop in such places.)   My siblings and I helped Mom glean the orchards and berry patches after the farmers had finished their harvest.  I learned to make bread and can fruit and vegetables at my mother's elbow.  All the time I thought it was just what moms taught their children.  As an adult I realize that my mother was providing during times of limited means.  In spite of limited means, my parents taught my siblings and I to fast and to contribute to the Fast Offering Fund as our means and faith permit.  

Fasting will never be a means to improve my physical self, or to cleanse in preparation of improving my eating habits.  Fasting will always be a means of righting myself before the Lord, an opportunity to cleanse my spirit in preparation of asking for the blessings of God to be poured out on me and those I love.  Fasting is opportunity to lend my faith to those whose need is greater than mine at that moment, and who I can help as they search, struggle, and work out elements of their life that need support, direction, and personal revelation.  And, when combined with contributing to the Fast Offering Fund, it provides for me a marvelous experience on a regular basis.

A post script to the transplant

Can Ye Feel So Now?

 Alma 5... In the Book of Mormon

 The Grand PPI (personal priesthood interview) or inventory.  Alma, one of many great priesthood leaders, provides the questions for us to inventory our spiritual standing before God.  This is not a chapter to be read quickly or lightly.  It requires a degree of introspection and self evaluation.

I counted 38 questions in this chapter.

In verse 26, Ama asks

 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, ... if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?

There have been times in my life that I have answered a resounding NOOOOO to this question. Sometimes that answer has included a foot stomp and shake of the fist.

This assignment to speak has given me a moment, many moments in the last couple of weeks to ask   Why?  

I didn't have to look very far to have plenty to examine.  

Satan is insidious. He watches carefully for those moments when we are weak, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, hurt, unsure, insecure, inadequate, worried, frightened. When we encounter hardship,  it can be difficult to sing the song of redeeming love, but it is when we need it most.  

This has been quite a year for my family.  It been long and difficult. On Oct 16 last year my husband found a lump in his neck that turned out to be a very aggressive lymphoma.  This was not an entirely new experience for us, he had dealt with this very same cancer 8 years ago.   This time it came from WAY left field because we had been told that if it didn't come back in two years or so, that it wouldn't.  It is too aggressive to hang around waiting to pounce.  

The first time we dealt with this I never flinched, never worried about the outcome.   Jeff had receive several blessings that promised him a long life.  I knew we just had to get through it.  There were some who told me I was in denial, that I needed to deal with his very probable death. I knew that would not happen.  It didn't.

However, From the very beginning last October, there were no promises of a long life, of sure recovery.  This time his blessings spoke of eternal families.  Missions to be filled on this and the other side of the veil.  I was more than a little nervous.  I wasn't ready for this.  We were too young.  We had been called on a mission to serve in the Philippines.  It was one that we would do together and do well.  We were excited.  We were learning Tagalog.  

But our lives changed in a moment.  Now,  I had responsibilities and my husband's life depended on me meeting those responsibilities and not faltering.  Worst of all some of those were responsibilities were ones I knew I was not going to like. (I was not his primary care giver when he got his first bone marrow transplant 8 years ago.  Our daughter was and she did a great job... I  only relieved her on weekends),  and then I learned this was going to be a more difficult process this time.  The responsibilities involved ports, medicines, needles, hospitals, Drs waiting rooms, watching every thing he ate, watching for scary signs of rejection, illness, infection...  Even after 10 months, I get queasy thinking about it.  (I can hear my youngest daughter saying, "really, Mom."  as she rolls her eyes.  

I must admit those responsibilities were not met cheerfully...  I was grumpy.  

I was worried

I was unsure,

I felt inadequate

I was sad

I was scared

I was angry..... 

We were giving up a Mission...  for cancer....  It was the worst.

Also, this time around  because We were not promised he would live, we had to find that place that Elder Bednar spoke of a couple of years ago...  "The faith to not be healed."  The faith to allow the Lord to do with us what he would.  And  I became aware that this experience was not just our, it was our children's.  They were just as scared,  wanting to see the eternal nature of families, but nearly being swallowed by this earthly experience.  

I like knowing where I am headed.  I love a good plan.  I love implementing a plan and seeing it all come together.  Here I had no plans beyond Hopkins, needles and doctors.  I was grumpy, and grumpy interferes.

How could I  get back to the place where I could again "sing the song of redeeming love.?"  even hear that song?

There were things that interfered with my ability to hear the Lord ,  but there were things that kept me close .  Things that fed my soul and kept me close to that song of redeeming love, even when I could not really hear it or sing it myself.  Things that I see more clearly now.

It started with 40 days and 40 nights of the Book of Mormon with a friend that turned into a year of making our way through the Book of Mormon, then the New Testament, Doctrine and Covenants, The Pearl of Great Price, and finally the marathon that is the Old Testament.

I had never in my life done that before.  long distance, we made our way through... Emails, texts....  Ideas, thoughts, quotes that made me think, that touched me....even some that made me laugh.  But the commitment we had made to each other to keep at it,  kept me close to the scriptures, and to her, a strong woman of God who loves the gospel and who loves me.  She and the scriptures fed my soul.

A faithful visiting teacher and home teacher.  When we were in Baltimore for months, we got regular phone calls from both, and when we were home they were there.  It hasn't changed.   They find ways to work around our schedule, they keep in close contact even when we are away.  We didn't NEED anyTHING...  We needed the consistent contact, the regular messages, the expressed love and concern.

I realized I was surrounded with good people who love the Lord and choose to stay close to Him.  I have learned that in addition to our VT and HT, our branch president and fellow members have agonized their way through this experience along with us.  Every set back, every bit of good news, they shared with us. 

In addition to our branch, our community has fed my soul.  We live in Sugar Valley, quite possibly the most lovely place on earth.  It is filled with faithful men and women of God who have watched over us without being overbearing, loved us without reservation, prayed for us in their churches and families, checked on us regularly, respected our privacy when we just couldn't talk to another person. 

Sugar Valley Quilters feed my soul,  women who seek to serve the less fortunate in our community by making quilts for them.  They  consistently invite me to show up and bring my machine.  I've missed many sewing dates with them this year, but when I am there, they feed my soul with their love for their fellow man.  I am one of them no matter how long I have been away.  I love being able to bend over my machine sewing working on whatever simple or intricate pattern they tell me to sew, listening to their banter, laughter, babies crawling around on the floor, grandmothers giving advice and instruction.  The hours fly by and I am so glad to be with them.  They, then, take those quilts and give them to those whose need is so great it seems to be unbearable.  And my soul is fed.  

My calling and The women I serve with feed my soul.  What a marvel that we are allowed to serve the Lord in callings in this church.  We don't seek them, but we take them on when called to do so.   I work with women who continue to amaze me, who keep track of me, who implement the details of these grand ideas that pop out of our heads and into our presidency meetings.  I have had many experiences of working with such women in a variety of callings, and they have all fed my soul.  Women of God are the most amazing creatures on earth...

Our Women's conference this last month fed my soul.  The teachers, speakers, fellowship, love.  All that day, the hymn "As Sisters in Zion" rattled around in my head.  And many souls were fed.

Priesthood blessings from men who hold the priesthood and who love us enough to cry with us, pray with us, and then place their hands on our heads and tell us what the Lord wants us to know so that we can proceed through hardship knowing what the Lord wants us to know and do...  fed my soul this year, and continues to do so.  

The temple has fed my soul....

Sister Neil Marriott of the General YW presidency states...

The scriptures teach, “That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light.”4 We must continue in God, as the scripture says. We must go to the source of light--to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the scriptures. We can also go to the temple, knowing that all things within its walls point to Christ and His great atoning sacrifice.

A Show Low AZ,stake president's wife, speaking at a ward Young Women in Excellence last week, said, "Go to the temple.  In the temple we can be who we really are, we can see ourselves as we really are and how Heavenly Father sees us and knows us.  

Finally, Our children feed my soul.  I am learning through them about eternal families.  They are more than families who exist together forever.  They are families who in spite of all the dysfunctions of this world continue to function.

Our children have made sacrifices of time, energy, money.  Mothers and fathers In law  were willing to go and stay with the grand babies and their sons/daughters so that our son and daughters could spend precious time with their Dad while he struggled to recover in the early days after the transplant, and who made me laugh at my grumpy self as we power walked the streets of Baltimore together. Husbands and wives of our children rearranged their lives (including birthing a baby on schedule) so that our children could be our support,   all three willing to offer their life's blood to heal their father.  And the one who finally was chosen to do so, flying in and out of Baltimore from AZ for tests and more tests, and finally flying home after donating his bone marrow in much more pain than he had any idea would be involved.  They have shown me that our family is patterned after Heavenly Father's Family, is part of His family.

These elements of my life fed my soul this year so that I could grumpily make my way through until I could drop the grumpy long enough to again hear and sing that song of redeeming love on my own. We are both healing. Jeff, physically, and me spiritually.  Because of the atonement, and access to opportunities to feed our souls, we can heal  repeatedly throughout our lives as we need to.

Often the burdens we carry are heavy.  Often we hang onto them all by ourselves much longer than we need to.  There are times that we cry out out,  I cannot do this, I cannot hear the song,  let alone sing this song of redeeming love!  

But we can.  The gospel is designed to be our  support, our teacher.  We go through hardships, and we learn, we grow, we are stretched beyond our small capacity in order to, one day, be worthy and able to live a celestial life with our families and our God.  And we never go through them alone.  Even when we think we are alone, we aren't.  Our mortal experience was not planned for us to be alone.  I  testify that the atonement is real, that the Savior made it possible for us to learn and even relearn when necessary, to repent, to grow so that we can and become better and more than we think we can.  

I love Isaiah.  In chapter 58 vs 11  he explains, "And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought.... and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.”

The Savior is that water.  

I have enjoyed reading and seeing all the General Conference experiences posted on Facebook. Many years ago when I was in HS and we lived in AZ, conference was not quite this available. But, my Mom found a way around it. We got Sunday morning session on TV and it was turned on and up LOUD on the only TV in the house. She did not care if we were trying to sleep late after a Saturday night out, we were listening to conference.

Saturday was chore day at our house and NOTHING interfered with that. But, Mom would find conference on the radio and just like on Sunday with the TV, she turned it on and up on every radio in the house. Unlike the TV we had a radio in almost every room back then. (Did I just say "back then".... YIKES) So, it didn't matter what my chores were, I heard conference. 

I took listening to general authorities with me when I went away to school, and when I went on my mission. Back then we had to order talks on tape, and they were not readily available. So we listened and re-listened to the ones we acquired. I still love listening to conference.

I learned to love the voices of President Kimball (loved him as if he were my very own), President Faust, Elder McConkie (my fave), Elder Maxwell, (my other fave), Elder Hales, and Elder L. Tom Perry. (Elder Perry just did not seem right without the L. Tom in front of it.) Watching him this weekend brought tears to my eyes.

I have never ironed a white shirt or a Sunday skirt in the last 45 years without thinking of listening to conference on a Saturday with the radios blaring General Conference.

Thanks Mom

A Current Topic that Has Caused Quite a Stir

I was asked to speak in Church on the Topic of the Priesthood.  What follows here is what I said there.  There have been many who have spoken more eloquently on the topic, but I feel strongly about it.  Feel free to google my sources.   They are authorities on the matter.    

The Priesthood June 15, 2014

Many years ago there was a game called Celestial Pursuit, based on the popular board game Trivial Pursuit.  Like Trivial Pursuit, this game was all about answering questions related to a variety of gospel topics, and moving your marker to the spot on the board designated as the winning circle.  Unlike Trivial Pursuit or any other board game Celestial Pursuit was not about competing against the other players, but making sure that all players (family members) made it to the winning circle together.  Great  concept, but never wildly popular.  

When asked to speak today on the Priesthood, that game popped into my head.  Our pursuit of Celestial Glory is not a competition; it is a pursuit that requires us to develop strong family relationships, seek out our ancestors, engage in covenants that require Priesthood authority, and work out our own salvation. - all the time remaining cognizant of family ties and relationship.  Because family and family connections will endure into the eternities.

This topic, the Priesthood, should not be confined to the occasional sacrament meeting talk.  We need to  explore and discuss this in our classes, family home evenings, in those marvelous discussions that pop up at dinner, in our family and personal study time, when we meditate and ponder on our own.  Our progression as a church and as individuals depends on it.  It is a deep and wide principle of the gospel - a cursory study will never be enough.

I will tell you up front that I love that we have access to the Priesthood of God.  I am grateful for faithful men who work hard to honor and use that Priesthood to care for their families, carry out service to others outside their families, and fulfill church responsibilities that often weigh heavily on them.  

In preparing for this morning, I turned to the voices/writings of men and women of God who have spoken about the Priesthood in recent conferences and devotionals, forums where they could teach correct gospel principles to all who are willing to listen.  

Let me just say that in each of the works I will reference the speaker/writer clearly states that it is the responsibility of each of us to study and learn for ourselves the principles of this magnificent blessing.    WHY?   The process of learning to receive revelation, being taught through the Spirit are as essential to our well being and eternal progression as what we learn when we study.  

I would encourage you to do just that.  I hope I will say something today that will be of use to you.  I hope that you will have the desire to explore in order to expand on what you hear... Do that by going to the library of scripture, conference reports, devotionals and articles shared by the Lord's appointed men and women.  Then go to The Lord yourself, using prayer, pondering and meditation to be taught of Him, through the Gift of the Holy Ghost.  And what a gift it is to have the Holy Ghost to guide our study, our progression.  I would admonish you to use it well....  Let the Spirit guide you in your pursuit of gospel knowledge.  There are many who would mislead you, tell you that you are wrong, that the Apostles and Prophet are wrong.... or mistaken, too old, too out of touch with the realities of this world....  Satan is behind all that.  The end result of all that will be our own stunted growth.  

If instead you listen to the Spirit as you study, your life will change.  As promised in D&C 121, 

"thy confidence shall wax strong, and the doctrine of the Priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

I used four talks to prepare my remarks today.  I want you to know that each speaker admonished the reader to search out, study prayerfully and learn the breadth, depth and scope of the Priesthood.  

Those talks are:  

 Priesthood Power in the Home by Boyd K. Packer (President of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles

The Keys and Authority of the Priesthood by Dallin Oaks, an Apostle of God

Priesthood:  A Sacred Trust by Linda K Burton, Gen. RS President

Blessings of the Priesthood for All by Sharon and Cecil Samuelson, 12th President of BYU and his wife.  

I will tell you I did not dig very deep to find these talks, and they are just four of MANY that I found.  We live in a blessed time.  A time where research is at our fingertips.  Not at all like the research I did years ago in college, when I sat for hours in dusty university basements thumbing through piles of periodicals and books.  And church research was limited to whatever I had on my own bookshelves or under the bed, or on the bedside table.  I feel like I'm living the dream...  Anything I want to read, learn about, discover... is at my fingertips. It is at all our fingertips.  Use it.

To start:  President Packer states, "To imagine putting together a church where the authority of the Priesthood was to be given to every worthy adult male would seem like a very reckless, dangerous thing, but that is the way it is....  We are never afraid of the progress of the Church, because we know that there will come by conversion and baptism a little group of brethren upon whom the fullness of the priesthood can be conferred....  The priesthood is not delegated out and parceled a little here and a little there.  It is given all at once."  COMMENT:  God is not stingy.  He trusts us.  He wants us to grow, be more than we are now.  

The Priesthood is the consummate power on this earth.  It is a portion of the power of God.  Here.  For Us.  This is not a trifling matter.  It is of utmost importance to all of us.  It is not ours to bargain over, wish it were different, feel slighted by, or worry why it is not doled out differently, or used more to our liking.  It is the power of God.  

God is a Practical Being.  His church is a practical organization.  There is a division of labor that is divinely decreed.  It has purpose and meaning.  Men and women are called to responsibilities that are important... necessary to the work of God.  However, those callings are temporary.  All of us will be released from our various callings.  On the other hand Priesthood responsibilities are not temporary.   Family responsibilities are not temporary.  They are eternal.  

A little side note from Elder Oaks:  There is no up or down in church service.  there is only forward or backward, and that difference depends on how we accept and act upon our callings and our releases.  The Priesthood is part of that - There are those who carry heavy responsibilities in their callings.  But all holders of the Priesthood can access the same power to bless those around them. 

President Packer tells us, "The Church is made up of families.  We talk about the organization and how many wards and stakes we have, and they are incidental and temporary.  when we talk about how many families we have, then we will see real growth in the church."  I think he is not speaking of numbers here.  He is speaking of real growth....  in spiritual stature, family ties and  strength.  They are the real indicators of our progress.

++++++++++++++++

At this time there is much discussion on the internet about the Priesthood of God and the role of women.  Elder Oaks addressed this issue quite well in our most recent general conference.  I recommend this to you for your own study.  

Let me share with you some of his comments. 

"Priesthood power blesses all of us.  Priesthood keys direct women as well as men, and priesthood ordinances and priesthood authority pertain to women as well as men...  "

"The Priesthood is the power by which we will be resurrected and proceed to eternal life."

He quotes Elder Ballard...  "Those who have priesthood keys... literally make it possible for all who serve faithfully under their direction to exercise priesthood authority and have access to priesthood power."

"Even though presiding authorities hold and exercise all of the keys delegated to men in this dispensation, they are not free to alter the divinely decreed pattern that only  men will hold offices in the priesthood."

It has been decreed that a man cannot fully exercise the power of the Priesthood without a woman, just as a woman cannot conceive a child without a man.  Both of these powers are shared.  Both are essential.

Now, women and the Priesthood?

Elder Oaks explains that "with the exception of the sacred work that sister do in the temple under the keys held by the temple president, only one who holds a priesthood office can officiate in a priesthood ordinance."  

Then he goes on, quoting President Joseph Fielding Smith, "While the sisters have not been given the Priesthood, it has not been conferred upon them, that does not mean that The Lord has not given unto them authority...   A person may have authority given to him, or a sister to her, to do certain things in the Church that are binding and absolutely necessary for our salvation, such as the work that our sister s do in the House of The Lord.  They have authority given unto them to do some great and wonderful things, sacred unto The Lord, and binding just as thoroughly as are the blessings that are given by the men who hold the Priesthood."

But, thankfully, President Smith does not leave it there, and Elder Oaks provides the rest of President Smith's  instruction to the sisters of the Relief Society.  "you can speak with authority, because The Lord has placed authority upon you...."  He went on, "Relief Society has been given power and authority to do a great many things...... The work which they do is done  by divine authority."

Of course all Church work done by men and women is done under the direction of those who hold priesthood keys. And President Smith explains, "The Lord has given them this great organization where they have authority to serve under the direction of the bishops of the wards, looking after the interest of our people both spiritually and temporally."

 

And I will add that those who serve in such callings deserve and need our support and our willingness to serve. 

Let me say here that sometimes I hear women say "Women need to be more involved in the decision making processes of the Church.  I have even laughed and nodded when someone says, 'You can tell a woman was not involved in that decision.'  I have seen the shake of the head and the comment, 'what were they thinking?'  I have said that.  I think the last time I actually heard that it was in reference to the outdated decor of the Logan temple.

But, the implication is that men cannot make important decisions without the input of women.  or that, in order to be equal and fair, women must be involved in every decision .  NO.  Not because female input is not important and even necessary.  It is.  But, The Lord will see to it that his work is accomplished.  It is most important that we learn to receive revelation, act on impressions, care for those in need, cultivate feelings of kindness for even the unloveable...  Contribute to the Lord's work in a positive way. (I'm speaking to men and women here.)  That means not belittling what our leaders do, but contributing to the discussion as solutions are sought to a variety of problems.  

I remember a former stake president telling my husband that as a high councilman he had a responsibility to open his mouth, to contribute to the discussion, to provide counsel when asked for it.  That he should not sit idly by in meetings and watch.  That is good counsel for all of us.  But the other side of it is that when our Priesthood leaders make decisions, ask for our help, issue calls to serve and make assignments that we answer, "Yes".... not half heartedly but whole heartedly and then SERVE.

+++++++++++

I love working with men who hold the Priesthood and who are actively engaged in carrying out their responsibilities to God and their families.  When I do, I feel safe.  I know that the work is in good hands.  I know that the work of God is moving forward.  I'm speaking of bishops and branch presidents, men of the stake who work with the auxiliaries, my husband and my son and sons in law.  Our faithful home teacher.  Often the Spirit confirms to me that this is the organization of God.  Not just the church, but the organization of our families as well.

+++++++++++++++++

In the talks I read the comment was oft made that the world at large knows nothing about the Priesthood of God, and that members of the church have just scratched the surface of this great power and responsibility.  so true.

These general authorities are happy that so many questions are being asked.  It provides opportunities to teach.  (Actually that might have been Pres. Packer...  He is the consummate teacher.)  

Sister Burton explained, "We rejoice that we are privileged to live in this season of the history of the Church when questions are being asked about the Priesthood.  There is great interest and desire to know and understand more about the authority, power and blessings associated with the Priesthood of God. It is our hope that the "doctrine of the priesthood... (may) distill upon our souls as the dews from heaven."  We hope to instill within each of us a greater desire to better understand the Priesthood.  It is imperative for us to understand how The Lord accomplishes His work so that we may receive the power that comes from being aligned with His plan and purposes."

She goes on to explain that we need to invite the power of the priesthood into our homes to bless and strengthen our families and our individual lives.

She sees all of the current conversations about the Priesthood as a wakeup call and an invitation to all of us to study, ponder and come to better understand the priesthood.  We cannot teach those things we do not understand and know for ourselves.

What should we be studying?

What is the Priesthood?  It is the power of God on the earth, but it is much more.  It is that power by which the world was made, by which we will be resurrected, by which families are sealed.

Why does man have it?   (Like Elder Packer said... seems like that could be a little dangerous.)

What is the difference between the Aaronic Priesthood and the Melchizedek Priesthood? 

How did they come to us in this dispensation?

When, how and why were they first given to men?

What are the keys of the priesthood?  Who has them?

What is the power of the priesthood?   Who has access?

The more we know, the more we grow.  (Isn't that a phrase from Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers... I date myself there)    but it is true.  

Again, let me give you a few highlight from Sister Burton and encourage you to exercise your agency and learn for yourselves.

"Priesthood authority has been restored so that families can be sealed eternally."  She was actually quoting Elder Nelson there.   Doesn't that quote put a new spin on family history, FHE, temples?  

"Nothing about the Priesthood is self-centered.  The Priesthood is always used to serve, to bless and to strengthen other people."   The Savior here is our role model.  

"Men are not the priesthood.  they are holders of the Priesthood."  I will say...  That lone thought should trigger some ideas about how men should act and women should treat men, and how children should be taught about the Priesthood.  

"Priesthood keys unlock the door to the power of God."

"Jesus Christ holds all the keys of the Priesthood pertaining to his Church.  He has conferred upon his apostles all the keys that pertain to the kingdom of God on earth.  The Prophet delegates priesthood keys to other priesthood leaders so they can preside in their areas of responsibility."  To all our benefit.

Before I close, I will say.  Women are often counseled about the influence they have on the young men and not so young men who hold these priesthood responsibilities.  Do not dismiss or belittle that influence.  Sister Burton identifies that influence as a complementary gift to the priesthood power.  She quotes Pres. Howard W. Hunter...  "minister with your powerful influence for good in strengthening our families, our church and our communities.

She goes on to tell a story about a man who had cancer.  His wife had called the stake president and asked him to come and provide a blessing.  As he arrived the Dr. told the wife she needed to prepare herself for her husband's death.  The stake president described this sister as pounding the doctor's chest with her fists, emphatically saying no.  Telling the Dr. that her husband would be healed.  My stake president is here to give him a blessing and he will be healed.  She knew that the power of the priesthood, used by a faithful holder of that priesthood could and would heal her husband.  

Sister Burton poses the question,  Was it the blessing?  the priesthood holder?  or the faith and influence of this righteous woman?  She believes and I agree... It is all three.  This is how the Priesthood of God functions:  authority, power and influence. 

++++++++++++++++++

Can this Priesthood authority be misused?  Of course.  But The Lord has promised he will not allow us to be led astray, or his work to be thwarted.  When we get caught in the mire of thinking God should be doing things differently, that his Prophet and Apostles should be more in the mainstream, or that our local Priesthood leaders should be more progressive we are not hastening the work.  We are damning our own growth and interfering with the Lord's work.  Are these men perfect?  No.  Perfect and righteous are not the same.  

Sisters, we can choose to feel slighted instead of engaging in this great work.  But if we do we are not acting on all the information we have available to us.  We can choose to think men are more honored in this church than women;  if we do we are not seeing the whole picture.  We are limiting our view of what is available to us.  We can choose to say we don't understand why "the Priesthood" does this or that.  When we do we are choosing our own lack of understanding.  Don't do that.  We will be left behind.

I thought I would write my way thorugh this experience.

I really did.   But I have not done so.  I have had moments when the words flowed through my brain.  I knew that if I could sit down at a keyboard I could put on the screen exactly what was happening and exactly how I felt,  but that did not happen.  Either there was no keyboard in sight, or when i opened my tablet there was Facebook or the USA Today crossword puzzle and I took a detour.  Nothing has been recorded.

The possibilities are still there. Every day I tell myself that this will be the day that I write.  This will be the day that I begin to record the process of this experience.  This will be the day that all I know and think and feel about cancer will be out there for the world to see.  

Maybe...

Another adventure

Fourteen months ago

Jeff and I stood on a crowded Saigon street and watched Drew and Diane walk away from us.  We were alone in a country that is about as far away from home as we could possibly get.  Neither of us speaks Vietnamese.  We turned to each other and smiled.  Then we turned the other direction and began to wander.  All the fears we brought to Viet Nam melted away as we wandered.  We were comfortable.  We loved it here.  In unison we said, "We could do this."  We were talking about serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  We could go anywhere.  Unfamiliar places with oh-so-different smells, foods and sounds were not scary anymore.  We were ready for this great adventure.  Bring it on!

Flash forward to Wednesday, October 16, 2013.  Our dream was reality.  We had been called to serve in the Philippines as humanitarian missionaries. We were to report to the MTC in Provo on Dec. 2.  We had been given our specific assignment to work as liaison between NGOs and other organizations seeking assistance for humanitarian projects and the Church to make sure help was given and paperwork was complete and accurate.  We were learning Tagalog with help from the SMTC in Provo.  (Thank You Jake Budge)  Our car was sold and we were actively looking for a renter for our house.  

The unthinkable happened.  As we sat in Barnes and Noble working on our Ipads (language training), Jeff jumped up with a look of horror on his face.  He began to pace.  

"What," fear settled inside of me.  

"It's back," was his only reply.  The look of horror on his face said the rest.  It has been 7 years.  But I knew without hearing anything else. 

So, in the middle of our turbo charged preparations, we came to screeching halt, did an about face, and began the process of diagnosis and finding treatment.  It was devastating.  

There are some, who in an attempt to help us feel better have likened this situation to that of Abraham of the Old Testament when he was asked to sacrifice his son.  In the case of Abraham... he was spared.  His son was spared.  The sacrifice was not required.  Our friends have said that our sacrifice of serving was mission was not required.  They do not understand.  Going on a mission was not a sacrifice.  We wanted to go.  We looked forward to going.  We felt like we could do what was being asked of us, and do it well.  We saw it as a great adventure that would give us the opportunity to serve in a way that was really in the realm of our skill set.  

The sacrifice for us was not going on a mission.  Jeff's diagnosis is Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma.  It is the same cancer that he had 8 years ago.  We both know what that means, and it is frightening.  It is a sacrifice to give up a mission in the part of the world we fell in love with a year ago.  It is sacrifice to go from attending to learning a langauage and emailing the Area Welfare Manager of Quezon City to emailing the doctors at Johns Hopkins for scheduling appointments and talking chemo choices.  

A Mission?

Sometime in July Jeff and I looked at each other and said, "It is time."  Then, we visited with a friend in Maryland who said, "Well...  A mission?" and we chatted with her saying the usual things about how we wanted to go on a mission and that we intended to go on a mission... soon.  She suggested we talk to President Johnson, our former stake president who had just gotten home from serving a mission in the mission office in Salt Lake City, Utah.  He and his wife had been involved with processing the papers of senior missionary couples who wanted to serve full time missions for the church.  (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints)

Then, while walking through Target in Long Gate Shopping Center of Ellicott City, MD we ran into President Johnson's daughter, who said, "Mom and Dad just got back from a mission in the mission office in SLC.  You should talk to them."  Sounds like we needed to talk to them.

So we did.  They kindly spent an hour or two with us.  When we left we were ready.  So we went home and, through our branch president, initiated the online recommendation form that would tell those people in that office in SLC all about us, so they could decide what recommendations should be made about what kind of mission we should serve, where we should go and when we should start.  

The recommendation process was lengthy and, at times daunting. It was not a sit down and answer a few questions, write a few sentences about ourselves and push the SUBMIT button.  No.

We browsed and then studied the Senior Missionary Opportunities Bulletin.  We answered pages of questions about ourselves.  We considered everything.  From "How do you feel about flying" on a scale of 1 to 5, to "how comfortable are you with teaching English, or leading the music."  We considered if it would bother us if we were the only missionaries for miles... or the only members of the church for miles...  We thought about our prior missionary service, our callings, our skills, our life experiences, and our fears.  Then we tried to explain details about all of them in 500 or 2000 characters or less.  Finally, we told them we would  love to serve a PEF/self reliance mission, or a humanitarian mission.  We tried to explain why.  We felt pretty inadequate and inarticulate through it all.  Finally, on Aug. 25 we declared ourselves finished, and tapped the submit button.  We made appointments to meet with our Branch President (local ecclesiastical leader) and then our Stake President (the ecclesiastical leader one step up the chain).  Upon completion of those two interviews, their submit buttons were pushed on Aug 29.

Then we waited, and watched the mail. And we waited for five weeks.  When we got to that last week we were in New Mexico to spend time with some of our children and grandchildren.  So, we called.  We called our neighbor (Yahoo... Bob and Trina) every night to find out if our letter had arrived.  Finally, on Oct 7 Bob said yes.  We listened on speaker phone as Bob tore open our letter and began to read.  

"You are assigned to labor in the Philippines Quezon City Mission.  Your primary assignment is to labor in thePhilippines Welfare Country Office as a humanitarian specialist.  It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months."

Secret and Sacred. Consider This.

Meditation is the most secret,
the most sacred
door through which we pass
into the presence of The Lord.
David O McKay

I think we pay too little attention to the value of meditation, a principle of devotion.

In our worship there are two elements: one is spiritual communion rising from our own meditation; the other instruction from others, particularly from those who have authority to guide and instruct us. Of the two, the more profitable introspectively is meditation.

Meditation is one of the most secret, most sacred doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord" (Pres. David O. McKay, “Consciousness of God: Supreme Goal of Life,” Improvement Era, June 1967, pp. 80–82).

- See more at: http://ldsperfectday.blogspot.com/2012/12/meditation-part-1.html#sthash.1r7lHuJG.dpuf

“I think we pay too little attention to the value of meditation, a principle of devotion.

In our worship there are two elements: one is spiritual communion rising from our own meditation; the other instruction from others, particularly from those who have authority to guide and instruct us. Of the two, the more profitable introspectively is meditation.

Meditation is one of the most secret, most sacred doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord" (Pres. David O. McKay, “Consciousness of God: Supreme Goal of Life,” Improvement Era, June 1967, pp. 80–82).

- See more at: http://ldsperfectday.blogspot.com/2012/12/meditation-part-1.html#sthash.1r7lHuJG.dpuf

“I think we pay too little attention to the value of meditation, a principle of devotion.

In our worship there are two elements: one is spiritual communion rising from our own meditation; the other instruction from others, particularly from those who have authority to guide and instruct us. Of the two, the more profitable introspectively is meditation.

Meditation is one of the most secret, most sacred doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord" (Pres. David O. McKay, “Consciousness of God: Supreme Goal of Life,” Improvement Era, June 1967, pp. 80–82).

- See more at: http://ldsperfectday.blogspot.com/2012/12/meditation-part-1.html#sthash.1r7lHuJG.dpuf

Be More

5 Steps for Overcoming the Crippling "Bystander Effect"

Given the choice, Kitty Genovese would rather not have become the subject of social psychology research.
As she was returning home from work on March 13, 1964, Kitty was approached by a man who attacked and stabbed her.

She screamed repeatedly for help. At least a dozen people heard her screams, but it took a full thirty minutes before someone contacted the police.

Four years later, researchers John Darley and Bibb Latané, fascinated by the Kitty Genovese case, first demonstrated the "bystander effect" in the lab.

The greater the number of people present, they discovered, the less likely people are to help a person in distress.

For example, they staged an experiment around a woman in distress. 70 percent of the people alone called out or went to help the woman after they believed she had fallen and was hurt. But when there were other people in the room only 40 percent offered help.

The "bystander effect" is explained by what social psychologists call "diffusion of responsibility": In a large group of people, people may feel that individual responsibility to intervene is lessened because it is shared by all of the onlookers.

Let's cut through all the psychological jargon and state it bluntly: People in crowds are stupid. They become followers. They stop taking responsibility for their actions.

That's precisely why following the crowd cripples our success -- not because following is intrinsically wrong, but because when following a crowd our sense of responsibility is stifled.

Taking ultimate, unflinching responsibility for our choices, results, and happiness is the first and foundational principle of success.

No progress can be made without responsibility. As long as we have someone to blame or some reason to justify and excuse our lack of success, we can never claim our power.

 

There is an inverse relationship between excellence and conformity. The more we conform to social pressure, the less excellence we achieve.

By definition, excellence is unique. The principles for achieving it may be universal, but no two expressions of excellence are alike.

Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Da Vinci sculpted David. Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote Uncle Tom's Cabin. Steve Jobs built Apple Computers.

What's your unique expression of excellence? What pressures are you conforming to that are restraining your unique purpose and voice?

Being a bystander in crowds is bad enough, but even worse is people being passive bystanders to their own mediocre lives.

They drift on the wind and waves of life without a clearly defined purpose and a firm commitment to a cause. They let fear, doubt, and worry dictate their choices rather than faith and courage.

 

 

According to research, bystanders go through these cognitive and behavioral processes:
1. Notice that something is going on
2. Interpret the situation as being an emergency
3. Degree of responsibility felt
4. Determine the form of assistance
5. Implement the action choice

 

These five processes provide the steps for overcoming the bystander effect in our own lives:

1. Notice: Take stock of your life. Where are you currently? Where do you want to be? What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? What is your purpose? Write down your answers. 

 

2. Interpret: Be honest with yourself. Are you living up to your full potential? How big is the gap between your current performance and what you know you're capable of? 

3. Take Responsibility: Don't blame your parents, your circumstances, your lack of talent, your lack of connections. No justification or rationalization. You were brought to your current state by your own choices. Period. 

 

4. Determine Your Action Plan: What are you trying to make happen? How will you measure success? 

5. Implement: Just do it. Make it happen. Start that business. Write that book. Take that dream vacation. Hike to the top of that mountain. Cut up that credit card. Stop wishing and DO IT.

Kitty Genovese was murdered while bystanders watched. Likewise, human potential is snuffed out while people conform to culture and passively watch their lives pass by.

 

Just because everyone around you is living a scripted life doesn't mean it's okay for you. Break the mold. Stand out from the crowd. Be the change.

Would you rather be studied by social psychologists for your conformity, or by descendants for your greatness?
— Stephen Palmer

a little miracle

34 years ago I got married. My husband, Jeff, and i exchanged rings that were gold, of simple design, and were not very expensive. They served the purpose to show show the world we were married... to each other.

33 years ago my husband gave me a diamond. It was a small, simple, emerald cut diamond on a simple slender gold band that had come to me from his mother's engagement ring, via a man's ring made for Jeff by his step father after Jeff's mother died.

This year I lost that ring. I was devastated. I did not want to tell Jeff. I did not tell him for several days, not until I had searched my jewelry box, my purse and a variety of other bags I use regularly, my suitcases, the car. I had not been wearing my rings regularly because I had been getting a rash on my ring finger that made it uncomfortable to wear them. When I took them off I dropped them in the nearest small pocket of whatever bag I was carrying or makeup bag that was close at hand.

I know how my husband feels about his mother and how he feels about this ring, and I just could not tell him, but I could not keep it from him either, so I told him. I cried, apologized and tried to explain how terrible I felt. He was kind. He assured me it was ok. He assured me it was just a ring. Then he started to look. He, too, looked everywhere. my jewelry box. my bags. I came home from work and found him with a flashlight coming out of the room where our suitcases are stored. I was sick.

We both searched the car, again. We went to our daughter's house and searched everywhere that my bags had been in her house. Nothing.

I did not get on my knees to pray for help. I did not pray for help in quiet moments in the car, at the kitchen sink or in the shower as I normally would. I could not. You see, there had been a moment (before I lost the ring) that I had a moment of inspiration. There had been a whispering in my mind as I looked at that ring resting at the bottom of my make-up bag that I should take it from the bag and put it in my jewelry box. And I ignored it. I knew I was ignoring it when I did it.

I felt I had no right to ask for help with something I had been given a warning about and had ignored. So I did not ask for help from the heavens. I was heartsick, but I did not take it to The Lord. I felt unworthy, in this little temporal hour of need.

A few weeks later, after the searches were finished and we had reconciled ourselves to the fact that the ring was gone, I did take it to The Lord. Briefly. I told Him why I had not asked for help. I told Him I felt terrible about this loss. I have lost jewelry before, but this was different. It was Jeff's mother's ring. It really mattered to him, and therefore mattered to me. It was important to me because it was physical evidence of Jeff's love and trust in me. AND I lost it. I told The Lord that I knew this was not something I deserved to get back, that it was just jewelry. It wasn't my children, or my health, or those that I love who were lost or at risk, but that it was important to us and I was so sorry and sad to lose it. I also acknowledged that I had ignored the earlier prompting that could have prevented the entire affair. I still did not ask to get it back.

Saturday Jeff and I participated in Mormon Helping Hands. We picked up a friend and drove an hour and a half to the work site, where we met the rest of the participants from our stake. For 2 hours we picked up trash on a mile of road adjacent to Ricketts Glen State Park. Then we helped haul wood from the woods to a parking lot to be picked up and removed from the area. We were exhausted as we drove home feeling good about our contribution. About 30 minutes into the the drive home our friend asked (from the back seat of our car) did someone lose a ring. He stuck his hand around my seat, over the center console with my diamond stuck to his little finger. He had found my ring. He had found my ring stuck in a crevice on the floor of the back seat of the car. I was amazed.

I learned a lesson. This experience reinforced to me how ready our Father in Heaven is to bless us. This ring incident was a small moment in the big picture. It taught me (again) that when we feel least worthy is when we need the most help. It is when we need to tell The Lord our dilemma, our problems, our hurts, our fears, our limitations, our reasons for not feeling worthy, our desires.

He will bless us. We might not be immediately lifted from our problems, or find immediate solutions, but blessings will come, we will receive strength, peace will follow. We will be able to see ahead and find courage and insight. We will find solutions, and we will be wiser for our experience. We will know. We will learn to trust His promises.

Life is not meant to be free from tragedy, hardship and problems that are beyond our capacity to deal with, to solve. What we cannot handle is meant to be shared with The Lord. By sharing with Him, we engage the atonement and our ability and strength, knowledge and wisdom are enhanced. We learn more than we could on our own. We solve what seems unsolvable. Our lives are enriched beyond that which we can see on our own.

Marriage: love is not an assignment for the coward.

Jeff and I went to a marriage conference last night. We don't usually do that sort of thing, and we did not stay very long last night. As a matter of fact we only were there for about an hour. We heard some good things during that hour, and I will share.

MARRIAGE IS NOT JUST A SPIRITUAL COMMUNION, SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

1.  The greatest reason marriages fall apart is SELFISHNESS . We make choices without thinking what it will do to our children and our spouse.

2.  Spend time counseling with your spouse.  Make a list of what you need from your spouse, then talk about it and revisit it regularly.  Also, make a list of what you already receive for your spou and revisit it regularly.

3.  When you feel like "what am I doing here?" Remember, this is what you signed on for.  To be all in...  You made sacred covenants to do so.

4.  Five points to ponder.
     A.  Make peace with what you cannot change.
     B.  keep the commandments.  Be 100% in.
     C.  Don't take offense.  Develop a thicker skin.
     D.  Speak hope.  The best is yet to come...  In a world of negativity.
     E.  Take no time for contention.  Be a person who won't let your tongue deride, be critical, be nasty or negative.

5.  Marriage:  The ultimate test is to learn how to connect, love and care for your spouse.  The one person in all the world that you found and wound up with. This is the "step" (connect, love, and care) that will help us reach celestial glory.

6.  Live the gospel and The Lord will insulate and protect your family .

7.  Be good to yourself.  It is a delightful journey to get to that place.

8.  There was a young couple who married and the wife put a box on a closet shelf and told her husband to never look in the box. He did not, for years and years.  Finally. In their old age he took the box down and asked her if he could look inside.  She said yes.  Inside, to his shock, he found two handmade doilies and $25,000.  She explained.  Every time she was upset with him she made a doily.  He was amazed that she only made two doilies in all those years.  But, that did not explain the money.  She said, "That is the money I have made selling all the doilies I made over the years."

My brother is my ......

I started to call him my hero, but that is not exactly it.  I admire what he is doing; I want to be able to do it. 

My mother died on Nov. 6th.  My siblings and I gathered with a number of other family and friends to honor her and take her home to Victor, Idaho to be buried next to my father and the other members of their family who have already died.  Jeff and I flew into SLC and picked up my brother as he arrived an hour later.   We spent four days together before we all went our separate ways.

This brother, Dave, has misused the lion's share of his life.  But, when I saw him that weekend, I thought he looked great.  He looked healthy, strong and good.  Good you say?  Yes, good.  It felt good being with him.  I wanted to spend time with him,  be close to him.  It became evident why this was happening as I watched him with the rest of the family.

He spent time with each member of the family.  Even those I knew he did not care for.  (at least I thought I knew)  I heard him say kind things, put his arm around themas he spoke with them.  I saw his head close to someone's ear as he spoke softly to them.  I watched their reactions to his comments.  Faces lit up, shoulders relaxed,  there was laughter.  I heard him say several times, "I want to make amends."  And he did.

He wasn't comfortable doing this.  But he went ahead and did it anyway.  As the weekend progressed, I felt something change.  There was a sweet peace in the air that has never been in one of our family gatherings.  Dave's children and my children and my sisters' children began to "bond".  (I hate that word, but it is the only one I can come up with right now.)  They melted into a family.  They cried, hugged each other, laughed, told Grandma Weekes stories.  They shared child rearing ideas and stories. They talked about fashion, Pinterest, jobs, family.  They sat close to each other and put their heads together, and just enjoyed the spirit that Dave had helped to create. 

I want to be like him.  I want to make amends.  I want to see the fruits of that effort flow out and over those around me.  I want to engage in that process.  Dave has been my teacher.  He has taught me how to repent, change my life, change lives around me and lift myself and others to a better place.  He is teaching me what the Atonement is and what it can do when we engage in the process of using it to change ourselves.  I saw it that weekend in November. 

A LIFE CRACKED OPEN

My husband and I went to Viet Nam in September.  Why there?  is the most often asked question  to such a statement.  Before our trip we told people that Drew, our son and Diane, his wife were going there as an "end of law school reward."  Our daughter in law is Vietnamese and they wanted to go to the land of her family.  Did we want to go? they wanted to know.  Of course, was my immediate response.  My husband stood slightly behind me at that moment and he cringed and agreed.  Not his first choice for a two week "vacation."

As Drew and I made plans, Jeff looked up everything he could find about the country.  He checked food, weather, government (Communist), and economic circumstances.  He was dismayed. It is a poor country with a depressed economy. He saw us staying in rat infested hotels battling malaria carrying mosquitoes at every turn. We were going during the monsoon season.  Last year in September Vietnam had 9 inches of rain.  (a bit of a dry monsoon month)  That is what the internet told him.  He read about mud slides, daily rain, typhoons... and on and on.  I felt his anxiety, but could not back out.  Airlines tickets were bought, hotel arrangements made and we were on schedule to go. 

We reassured ourselves that we could make most anything fun and that we go and have a great time.  We planned for rain, mosquitoes (and malaria), heat and humidity, bad water, allergies.  We were ready.  We were grateful to know that Diane would be with us.  We knew she could speak the language as we had heard her talk to her parents and they to her.  We would be ok as long as she was with us. We would make it, and after all it was only two weeks.

 We flew for 24 hours that became 36 because of the time change.  We got off the plane,went  through the lines at customs manned by stoic looking uniformed men and women, and out the door of the terminal....   into the heat and humidity we had been reading about, and it was 10 pm.  And so began a life changing experience. 

I cannot begin to explain the experience of being in that country.  I can say that I loved it, that I think of it almost every day, and I look forward to the day we will return.  I will love getting off the airplane.  I will love listening to people talk to each other. I will love the roadside food stands.  I will love the heat and humidity. 

I was so glad to have Diane with us, but by the 5th day I was ok when she and Drew went off to do their own thing.  By the beginning of the second week I was off exploring by myself.  Walking through Saigon in the early evening is.....   makes me smile to think of it.

We spent about 1/2 of our trip with members of Diane's extended family.  We lived, slept and ate local.  We made friends, laughed, chatted, ate SO MUCH food.  And explored a country that is trying to catch up with the outside world.  I hope they don't try so hard that they lose what makes them Viet Nam.  They are humble, kind, funny, smart, quick witted and happy.  They are family.  I don't want to paint a completely idyllic picture of this place.  There were sad elements, a lack of concern in some places of the state of the environment, too much poverty, unsavory characters.  Just like every other place on this earth.  But that was not our experience.  Ours was one of joy in simple things,  taking our time to choose lunch from a woman who sells everything from boiled fertilized duck eggs to roasted corn and chives, sitting with our new friends at their roadside cafe eating and laughing and talking as the night fell around us. 

This trip cracked my world wide open (and Jeff's too).  We see things differently now.  We know that we can go anywhere in the world and find a marvelous experience.  We went to the other side of the world and came home seeing everything differently.

Traditional Chinese Proverb

To suffer and learn a lesson, one pays a high price, but a fool can't learn any other way.

my husband has changed our life

my husband has changed our life... and I am amazed. One day I knew that something had changed in our life. This difference seemed to have been coming on for a number of days, and I could not put my finger on why it had happened. There was something kinder, sweeter, better in our home. Recognizing this change sort of dawned on me one afternoon. I could not explain it, or even really articulate it. I just knew things were different. AND, I found myself responding differently to my husband because of it. It all felt GOOD. There was a day around the first of January when my husband decided that he would take five minutes each day and think about me. He thought about what he liked about me, he thought about my strengths, he thought about what his life would be like if he did not have me any more..... (I did not know he was doing this.) I only know that I occasionally saw him looking At me with a tender look on his face. Sometimes he would just reach over and hold my hand for a moment. Sometimes it was just a feeling that passed through. Then, one day I heard him explain to someone what he had chosen for a goal this year, and the light came on for me. The changes in our life are a direct result of his choice to do that one little thing. that one little thing brought with it a flood of positives that we both enjoy. His tenderness brings out kindness in me that had not been evident for some time. It is that principle that says what you put out to the world come back to you abundantly. I am amazed.

Time Out for Women Notes FINALLY

TOFW in Phoenix, AZ, Nov 5, 2011.  These are my running notes.  They may make sense to those of you who were there...  The rest may take some hmmmmm type thoughts from it.  I loved the focus about choosing who you become.  I have thought since that there are so many things in this life that are hard...  seemingly impossible to learn to overcome.  But any one can make any changes needed to grow and become better than we are.  We can overcome any shortcoming, even if it seems that we cannot.  Please note that I have tried to keep my comments in parentheses.

Choose to Become --choose one thing to become this year  (I love this idea)

Elder Scott says we become what we want to be....

Hilary Weeks

what are you you thinking about?
we think over 300 negative a thoughts a day.


Kris Belcher...  look outward and up....  there is power there


Mary Ellen Edmunds:
what lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what is within us. 
C.S. Lewis: you are as much alone with God as if you are the only one,

Identity theft is a reality.  Satan is in charge of trying to do so,  he works hard at it.  He wants you to doubt who you are.  He cannot make you miserable if you know who you really are.

Elder Uchdorf's talk in the General Relief Society meeting in September was titled Forget Me Not.  There is online a picture of a forget-me-not flower with each point of his talk on the petals.


How can God answer if you don't question.  (Ask specifically, directly and straightforwardly.  Don't beat around the bush.)
prayer is not so much about time as is is about meaning,

Hillary Weeks:   negative clicker experiment (She got a cheap tally counter to click with each negative thought.  I loved that she got so depressed with that focus and she turned it around and began to click with each positive thought.  When she changed the focus, it changed her focus.)

I cannot trust the world to decide what is uplifting or positive for me.
at the end of the week I was depressed. and resized that it was paying attention to the negative. the next week I clicked all the positive thoughts.  I clicked 3times the number.  This positiveness helped me set goals I could never have set.  

When we think happy thoughts we are happy.

Any time we can think of the good in spite of the negative..... (I did not get the rest of this thought, but any way you end it it is GREAT! )(we all need cute rain boots and polka dot umbrella my note). she sang I Danced in the Rain.

Linda Eyre and her daughter talked about motherhood and holiness.

(They talked about a book they wrote. I did not get the title, but I am sure you can find it online.)

I didn't plan go be a witch  (This was a comment from the daughter.  It is great!!!  None of us plan to be a witch, but sometimes we find ourselves there anyway.  We, then, are the only ones who can change that.)

life doesn't work about half the time.  (Ain't that the truth)

They quoted Wendy Nelson, Elder Nelson's wife.  Take time to be holy.  It is time to pray for the Lord  to help us be holy.    (I found an article that summarized her talk at BYUI.)  Sister Nelson discusses holiness

Learn to tweak little things.  (Great advice.  Trying to eat the whole thing at once will only make you sick, take it a little at a time.  Make small changes over a period of time.)

Holiness and motherhood come from looking for holiness in the everyday things.  Find those things in your life that you can tweak-- to make holy out of horrible.

Find the worst.... turn on some music   (She was talking about her family.  She saw that there was a particular time of day that things were terrible in her house.  So she turned on music and watched what the kids and husband did.  The great lesson here is that you can look at your home and family and look for ways to improve what you have.  You are the mom and the home is your realm, your responsibility. You will be amazed at what these little steps have your your family and the spirit in your home.)

Feel holy by surviving tribulation... when you are drenched with tribulation live with faith that you can get through. you will be able to find the Savior's face in your own.   Tribulation can make you bitter or better.   It takes time to look back and see what your tribulation has done for you.

remember....  most important word .

# 1...remember who your children really are.

five facet review.
the first of each month take time to review how kids are doing.
physical, emotional, spiritual, social, mental
(Then take steps to help them be better, happier, more social, stronger... whatever they need.)

#2 ...  remember who you really are.  You are the perfect mom for your children. They may not think so.  You might not think so.   Get away regularly. and. think...   be quiet.... find ways to be better wife and mother.  Get together with other women who are like you.

(These websites are three that Sister Eyre and her daughter have...  71 toes is about the little girl with extra digits who had illnesses that changed her family.)
powerofmoms.com
valuesparentiing.com
71toes.com

comically overcommitted  (I have no idea what this was for or what it was about.  But I liked it.)

#3. Remember who the Savior really is and what He can do for you.   The whole gospel is about the Savior.

They told a story of a mom who prepared a space for the Savior her home, and invited him in.  But when He wanted to come with her to help with soccer practice, care for scraped elbows, etc. she said, "oh no... you don't need to do that.  I will be back."  Then she could not let him see the paper plates for dinner.   When she went to pray to him in the room she had prepared for him...she fell asleep.  (I have thought and thought about this little story.  I did not get all the details of the story, but I got the essence of it.  How often do we refuse to let the Savior "go with us" on our daily chaos, havoc, fear, exhaustion... it goes on and on.  We need Him in those moments more than any other time.  If we did let him go with us during our LIVING, our LIVING would be different.)

We have agency. We can choose to be more holy even the midst of havoc.

D. Kelly Ogden..   (I cannot remember who this was.  I only know he is a BYU Professor)

"I am perfectly satisfied that my God is a perfectly cheerful, pleasant being because I am  that way when I have the spirit."  Pres. Kimball

Pres. Hinkley said,' don't  be a pickle sucker."

The prophets are all optimists.  They know better than we do what is out there.  They also know what is coming,  We are on the winning team. Don't quit the team.

Morale problems are for the enlisted men, not the officers.   This was from Gen. Marshall of World War II. We are all officers in the Lord's kingdom.

D&C 137:   When the apostles were in England and discouraged, there was a vision of them discouraged and their heads hanging down...  The Savior is just above them weeping with compassion.  They don't see Him because they have their heads hanging down.  (Are your  heads hanging down?  He is there. Look up.)

Hilary Weeks... I think extraordinary things can happen in ordinary moments.
Pres Kimball:   How could a person possibly become what he is not thinking? Nor is any thought, when persistently entertained, too small to have its effect. The divinity that shapes our ends is indeed ourselves.

The thoughts we dwell on, the feelings we foster in our hearts and the actions we take will have an impact here and in  the hereafter.

Chase doubts away with faith and prayer.   Believe.  When we believe it opens the door for the Savior to step in and do his part.  (I Love This)

Grant Von Harrison:   To a great extent we accomplish what we think about.  After daily prayer just sit quietly and think positive thoughts.  (This is SO IMPORTANT.)

Check laurel christensens blog when she was training for a marathon,

Her song: Past the Point... Beyond the Mark.

Break the Bands of My Self Limitations.  When heaven tells me I can, i believe it.

Matt Baldwin;  We see through LDS lenses.what are we trying to conform to?  And does it come from outside or inside us.  1st Corinthians 1:12  the body... all one member... body of Christ.

Conformity is a two way street.  We have people who expect us to conform, but we also expect others to conform to our expectations.  it is not whether or not we do this, it is s matter of recognizing it and doing some thing about it.

We need to get that under control.

When our spouse or kids see things differently than we do, it is necessary to know what are they seeing that we are not seeing.  We see things a certain way and it is unnerving to think they see things so differently.  But they do and we need to accept that.  They need to be validated.

We should conform to:

Saviors gospel.
when we try to conform to someone else we will be beat our head against a wall.

we need to conform to principles. True principles.

1.   Choose what you believe and value: write down what you believe.  and what you value... not what someone expects you to believe or value.  (Great ADVICE)

2.  Choose how you act.
 Most women  have an issue. Their beliefs are disconnected from behavior.  Their expectations are so high they cannot be met.  They don't have to be every single thing to everyone every day.  (Pay attention to this girls... It is SO Important.)

Be where your feet are. Live the moment as it is.

God loves you. Not God loves you if...


( Hilary Weeks new album is Every Step)

What is your beautiful heartbreak?  Often we are faced with things we don't  want to go through... But we are so much better when we do.  The heartbreak becomes beautiful,,, and even sacred.

Ask daily in prayers:  What is most important for me to accomplish that day?
Heavenly Father will be as much a part of our lives as we let Him.   There is peace that comes when we find out and follow what He thinks is the most important.

What would I do if today was the only day I had left.

Kris Belcher....
Hind sight.  it is much easier to recognize the Lord's hand in our difficulty, after the fact.

She prayed repeatedly to have the cancer healed and save her vision,
but, she also asked that His will be done.

Whatever darkness is in your life, focusing on that darkness will not lead you to light.  Focus up and see marvelous light. Look in the scriptures for promises.

I will not leave you comfortless.
Brother of Jared did not have to live in darkness.  He went to the Lord with a solution... and theLord honored it.We need to say, "Lord, I commend myself to you."   Then do so and let the winds blow. they are blowing toward  something.  (Where is your promised land?)
Giving thanks and praise is one way of looking up.  Pray to the Lord and consecrate your effort to the Lord.  He will consecrate our efforts to us... to our good and growth.

Alma says to his son Helaman,  "look to God and live."
Allow our problems to drive us to the promised land.

 Her invitation to us is to look to God and live.  It is hard to remain negative when we turn our complaints into prayers.  Then we are looking into the light instead of darkness.  Part of looking to God and looking up includes humor.  I have bitter days....   but I choose otherwise.   (I love that she told this.)

Marriage is Work

I have heard that line so many times in my life, and for many years I just did not understand it. I think I do now, or at least I think I get it... a little.

Marriages don't last a lifetime by chance. As a matter of fact most don't last 7 years. So what is the difference between a marriage that falls apart, one that survives and one that thrives? A marriage that fails brings heartbreak.  A marriage that survives is OK.  If a marriage is surviving, and the partners want their marriage to thrive, they can move in that direction.

However a marriage that thrives is one that provides what is needed for both partners to grow, be happy, to learn. There is love and support. When adversity hits, both partners know they will not be alone, that they have someone with whom they will be able to work through the adversity. They are a team that knows they are a team. No. Matter. What.

A marriage works when two people are in all the way. A marriage works when two people care more about their family than they do themselves. A marriage works when the two partners work at it. These partners are not perfect, they don't always get along, they don't even like each other sometimes. But their commitment is deep and they know it is all about growing into a celestial marriage that will make their family happy for all eternity. It is not just two people, it is an entire family. A fundamentally happy one. 

This kind of marriage works because both partners pray, find time to read the scriptures, learn to talk openly with each other, listen carefully to each other, and appreciate each others' strengths even when they are annoyed or mad at each other.

Good marriage partners are kind when they don't want to be, keep their mouths shut when they want to spew their anger, look for the positive when all they see in a moment is the negative. They learn to behave the way they want their partner to behave. Good marriage partners don't believe that their marriage will be better when their partner changes. They know it will get better as they, themselves, change.  They don't try to get even, or try to make sure they get their fair share. They look for ways that they can make life better, and when asked, they give kind useful feedback. Good partners learn to ask for feedback from the one they love, knowing that whatever they say, their partner loves and cares for them. They don't avoid conflict, they work through it until they find solutions, growth, and satisfaction.

Please understand that I am not speaking from the platform of perfection on this topic. I am speaking from the arena of experience. My marriage is not perfect, we have good and bad days, weeks and months.  But it is good, and getting better as we grow older. I can look at our issues and see that we are slowly working our way through them.  We finally find we have a little more patience with each others' shortcomings. We are a little less intense with each other, a little more forgiving. It has been effort over a long time.

Now our children are creating their own lives... raising their own families... and I hope they have a vision of the unit they are working to create that will expand ours and make all our lives more full.