34 years ago I got married. My husband, Jeff, and i exchanged rings that were gold, of simple design, and were not very expensive. They served the purpose to show show the world we were married... to each other.
33 years ago my husband gave me a diamond. It was a small, simple, emerald cut diamond on a simple slender gold band that had come to me from his mother's engagement ring, via a man's ring made for Jeff by his step father after Jeff's mother died.
This year I lost that ring. I was devastated. I did not want to tell Jeff. I did not tell him for several days, not until I had searched my jewelry box, my purse and a variety of other bags I use regularly, my suitcases, the car. I had not been wearing my rings regularly because I had been getting a rash on my ring finger that made it uncomfortable to wear them. When I took them off I dropped them in the nearest small pocket of whatever bag I was carrying or makeup bag that was close at hand.
I know how my husband feels about his mother and how he feels about this ring, and I just could not tell him, but I could not keep it from him either, so I told him. I cried, apologized and tried to explain how terrible I felt. He was kind. He assured me it was ok. He assured me it was just a ring. Then he started to look. He, too, looked everywhere. my jewelry box. my bags. I came home from work and found him with a flashlight coming out of the room where our suitcases are stored. I was sick.
We both searched the car, again. We went to our daughter's house and searched everywhere that my bags had been in her house. Nothing.
I did not get on my knees to pray for help. I did not pray for help in quiet moments in the car, at the kitchen sink or in the shower as I normally would. I could not. You see, there had been a moment (before I lost the ring) that I had a moment of inspiration. There had been a whispering in my mind as I looked at that ring resting at the bottom of my make-up bag that I should take it from the bag and put it in my jewelry box. And I ignored it. I knew I was ignoring it when I did it.
I felt I had no right to ask for help with something I had been given a warning about and had ignored. So I did not ask for help from the heavens. I was heartsick, but I did not take it to The Lord. I felt unworthy, in this little temporal hour of need.
A few weeks later, after the searches were finished and we had reconciled ourselves to the fact that the ring was gone, I did take it to The Lord. Briefly. I told Him why I had not asked for help. I told Him I felt terrible about this loss. I have lost jewelry before, but this was different. It was Jeff's mother's ring. It really mattered to him, and therefore mattered to me. It was important to me because it was physical evidence of Jeff's love and trust in me. AND I lost it. I told The Lord that I knew this was not something I deserved to get back, that it was just jewelry. It wasn't my children, or my health, or those that I love who were lost or at risk, but that it was important to us and I was so sorry and sad to lose it. I also acknowledged that I had ignored the earlier prompting that could have prevented the entire affair. I still did not ask to get it back.
Saturday Jeff and I participated in Mormon Helping Hands. We picked up a friend and drove an hour and a half to the work site, where we met the rest of the participants from our stake. For 2 hours we picked up trash on a mile of road adjacent to Ricketts Glen State Park. Then we helped haul wood from the woods to a parking lot to be picked up and removed from the area. We were exhausted as we drove home feeling good about our contribution. About 30 minutes into the the drive home our friend asked (from the back seat of our car) did someone lose a ring. He stuck his hand around my seat, over the center console with my diamond stuck to his little finger. He had found my ring. He had found my ring stuck in a crevice on the floor of the back seat of the car. I was amazed.
I learned a lesson. This experience reinforced to me how ready our Father in Heaven is to bless us. This ring incident was a small moment in the big picture. It taught me (again) that when we feel least worthy is when we need the most help. It is when we need to tell The Lord our dilemma, our problems, our hurts, our fears, our limitations, our reasons for not feeling worthy, our desires.
He will bless us. We might not be immediately lifted from our problems, or find immediate solutions, but blessings will come, we will receive strength, peace will follow. We will be able to see ahead and find courage and insight. We will find solutions, and we will be wiser for our experience. We will know. We will learn to trust His promises.
Life is not meant to be free from tragedy, hardship and problems that are beyond our capacity to deal with, to solve. What we cannot handle is meant to be shared with The Lord. By sharing with Him, we engage the atonement and our ability and strength, knowledge and wisdom are enhanced. We learn more than we could on our own. We solve what seems unsolvable. Our lives are enriched beyond that which we can see on our own.
