Time Out for Women Notes FINALLY

TOFW in Phoenix, AZ, Nov 5, 2011.  These are my running notes.  They may make sense to those of you who were there...  The rest may take some hmmmmm type thoughts from it.  I loved the focus about choosing who you become.  I have thought since that there are so many things in this life that are hard...  seemingly impossible to learn to overcome.  But any one can make any changes needed to grow and become better than we are.  We can overcome any shortcoming, even if it seems that we cannot.  Please note that I have tried to keep my comments in parentheses.

Choose to Become --choose one thing to become this year  (I love this idea)

Elder Scott says we become what we want to be....

Hilary Weeks

what are you you thinking about?
we think over 300 negative a thoughts a day.


Kris Belcher...  look outward and up....  there is power there


Mary Ellen Edmunds:
what lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what is within us. 
C.S. Lewis: you are as much alone with God as if you are the only one,

Identity theft is a reality.  Satan is in charge of trying to do so,  he works hard at it.  He wants you to doubt who you are.  He cannot make you miserable if you know who you really are.

Elder Uchdorf's talk in the General Relief Society meeting in September was titled Forget Me Not.  There is online a picture of a forget-me-not flower with each point of his talk on the petals.


How can God answer if you don't question.  (Ask specifically, directly and straightforwardly.  Don't beat around the bush.)
prayer is not so much about time as is is about meaning,

Hillary Weeks:   negative clicker experiment (She got a cheap tally counter to click with each negative thought.  I loved that she got so depressed with that focus and she turned it around and began to click with each positive thought.  When she changed the focus, it changed her focus.)

I cannot trust the world to decide what is uplifting or positive for me.
at the end of the week I was depressed. and resized that it was paying attention to the negative. the next week I clicked all the positive thoughts.  I clicked 3times the number.  This positiveness helped me set goals I could never have set.  

When we think happy thoughts we are happy.

Any time we can think of the good in spite of the negative..... (I did not get the rest of this thought, but any way you end it it is GREAT! )(we all need cute rain boots and polka dot umbrella my note). she sang I Danced in the Rain.

Linda Eyre and her daughter talked about motherhood and holiness.

(They talked about a book they wrote. I did not get the title, but I am sure you can find it online.)

I didn't plan go be a witch  (This was a comment from the daughter.  It is great!!!  None of us plan to be a witch, but sometimes we find ourselves there anyway.  We, then, are the only ones who can change that.)

life doesn't work about half the time.  (Ain't that the truth)

They quoted Wendy Nelson, Elder Nelson's wife.  Take time to be holy.  It is time to pray for the Lord  to help us be holy.    (I found an article that summarized her talk at BYUI.)  Sister Nelson discusses holiness

Learn to tweak little things.  (Great advice.  Trying to eat the whole thing at once will only make you sick, take it a little at a time.  Make small changes over a period of time.)

Holiness and motherhood come from looking for holiness in the everyday things.  Find those things in your life that you can tweak-- to make holy out of horrible.

Find the worst.... turn on some music   (She was talking about her family.  She saw that there was a particular time of day that things were terrible in her house.  So she turned on music and watched what the kids and husband did.  The great lesson here is that you can look at your home and family and look for ways to improve what you have.  You are the mom and the home is your realm, your responsibility. You will be amazed at what these little steps have your your family and the spirit in your home.)

Feel holy by surviving tribulation... when you are drenched with tribulation live with faith that you can get through. you will be able to find the Savior's face in your own.   Tribulation can make you bitter or better.   It takes time to look back and see what your tribulation has done for you.

remember....  most important word .

# 1...remember who your children really are.

five facet review.
the first of each month take time to review how kids are doing.
physical, emotional, spiritual, social, mental
(Then take steps to help them be better, happier, more social, stronger... whatever they need.)

#2 ...  remember who you really are.  You are the perfect mom for your children. They may not think so.  You might not think so.   Get away regularly. and. think...   be quiet.... find ways to be better wife and mother.  Get together with other women who are like you.

(These websites are three that Sister Eyre and her daughter have...  71 toes is about the little girl with extra digits who had illnesses that changed her family.)
powerofmoms.com
valuesparentiing.com
71toes.com

comically overcommitted  (I have no idea what this was for or what it was about.  But I liked it.)

#3. Remember who the Savior really is and what He can do for you.   The whole gospel is about the Savior.

They told a story of a mom who prepared a space for the Savior her home, and invited him in.  But when He wanted to come with her to help with soccer practice, care for scraped elbows, etc. she said, "oh no... you don't need to do that.  I will be back."  Then she could not let him see the paper plates for dinner.   When she went to pray to him in the room she had prepared for him...she fell asleep.  (I have thought and thought about this little story.  I did not get all the details of the story, but I got the essence of it.  How often do we refuse to let the Savior "go with us" on our daily chaos, havoc, fear, exhaustion... it goes on and on.  We need Him in those moments more than any other time.  If we did let him go with us during our LIVING, our LIVING would be different.)

We have agency. We can choose to be more holy even the midst of havoc.

D. Kelly Ogden..   (I cannot remember who this was.  I only know he is a BYU Professor)

"I am perfectly satisfied that my God is a perfectly cheerful, pleasant being because I am  that way when I have the spirit."  Pres. Kimball

Pres. Hinkley said,' don't  be a pickle sucker."

The prophets are all optimists.  They know better than we do what is out there.  They also know what is coming,  We are on the winning team. Don't quit the team.

Morale problems are for the enlisted men, not the officers.   This was from Gen. Marshall of World War II. We are all officers in the Lord's kingdom.

D&C 137:   When the apostles were in England and discouraged, there was a vision of them discouraged and their heads hanging down...  The Savior is just above them weeping with compassion.  They don't see Him because they have their heads hanging down.  (Are your  heads hanging down?  He is there. Look up.)

Hilary Weeks... I think extraordinary things can happen in ordinary moments.
Pres Kimball:   How could a person possibly become what he is not thinking? Nor is any thought, when persistently entertained, too small to have its effect. The divinity that shapes our ends is indeed ourselves.

The thoughts we dwell on, the feelings we foster in our hearts and the actions we take will have an impact here and in  the hereafter.

Chase doubts away with faith and prayer.   Believe.  When we believe it opens the door for the Savior to step in and do his part.  (I Love This)

Grant Von Harrison:   To a great extent we accomplish what we think about.  After daily prayer just sit quietly and think positive thoughts.  (This is SO IMPORTANT.)

Check laurel christensens blog when she was training for a marathon,

Her song: Past the Point... Beyond the Mark.

Break the Bands of My Self Limitations.  When heaven tells me I can, i believe it.

Matt Baldwin;  We see through LDS lenses.what are we trying to conform to?  And does it come from outside or inside us.  1st Corinthians 1:12  the body... all one member... body of Christ.

Conformity is a two way street.  We have people who expect us to conform, but we also expect others to conform to our expectations.  it is not whether or not we do this, it is s matter of recognizing it and doing some thing about it.

We need to get that under control.

When our spouse or kids see things differently than we do, it is necessary to know what are they seeing that we are not seeing.  We see things a certain way and it is unnerving to think they see things so differently.  But they do and we need to accept that.  They need to be validated.

We should conform to:

Saviors gospel.
when we try to conform to someone else we will be beat our head against a wall.

we need to conform to principles. True principles.

1.   Choose what you believe and value: write down what you believe.  and what you value... not what someone expects you to believe or value.  (Great ADVICE)

2.  Choose how you act.
 Most women  have an issue. Their beliefs are disconnected from behavior.  Their expectations are so high they cannot be met.  They don't have to be every single thing to everyone every day.  (Pay attention to this girls... It is SO Important.)

Be where your feet are. Live the moment as it is.

God loves you. Not God loves you if...


( Hilary Weeks new album is Every Step)

What is your beautiful heartbreak?  Often we are faced with things we don't  want to go through... But we are so much better when we do.  The heartbreak becomes beautiful,,, and even sacred.

Ask daily in prayers:  What is most important for me to accomplish that day?
Heavenly Father will be as much a part of our lives as we let Him.   There is peace that comes when we find out and follow what He thinks is the most important.

What would I do if today was the only day I had left.

Kris Belcher....
Hind sight.  it is much easier to recognize the Lord's hand in our difficulty, after the fact.

She prayed repeatedly to have the cancer healed and save her vision,
but, she also asked that His will be done.

Whatever darkness is in your life, focusing on that darkness will not lead you to light.  Focus up and see marvelous light. Look in the scriptures for promises.

I will not leave you comfortless.
Brother of Jared did not have to live in darkness.  He went to the Lord with a solution... and theLord honored it.We need to say, "Lord, I commend myself to you."   Then do so and let the winds blow. they are blowing toward  something.  (Where is your promised land?)
Giving thanks and praise is one way of looking up.  Pray to the Lord and consecrate your effort to the Lord.  He will consecrate our efforts to us... to our good and growth.

Alma says to his son Helaman,  "look to God and live."
Allow our problems to drive us to the promised land.

 Her invitation to us is to look to God and live.  It is hard to remain negative when we turn our complaints into prayers.  Then we are looking into the light instead of darkness.  Part of looking to God and looking up includes humor.  I have bitter days....   but I choose otherwise.   (I love that she told this.)

Marriage is Work

I have heard that line so many times in my life, and for many years I just did not understand it. I think I do now, or at least I think I get it... a little.

Marriages don't last a lifetime by chance. As a matter of fact most don't last 7 years. So what is the difference between a marriage that falls apart, one that survives and one that thrives? A marriage that fails brings heartbreak.  A marriage that survives is OK.  If a marriage is surviving, and the partners want their marriage to thrive, they can move in that direction.

However a marriage that thrives is one that provides what is needed for both partners to grow, be happy, to learn. There is love and support. When adversity hits, both partners know they will not be alone, that they have someone with whom they will be able to work through the adversity. They are a team that knows they are a team. No. Matter. What.

A marriage works when two people are in all the way. A marriage works when two people care more about their family than they do themselves. A marriage works when the two partners work at it. These partners are not perfect, they don't always get along, they don't even like each other sometimes. But their commitment is deep and they know it is all about growing into a celestial marriage that will make their family happy for all eternity. It is not just two people, it is an entire family. A fundamentally happy one. 

This kind of marriage works because both partners pray, find time to read the scriptures, learn to talk openly with each other, listen carefully to each other, and appreciate each others' strengths even when they are annoyed or mad at each other.

Good marriage partners are kind when they don't want to be, keep their mouths shut when they want to spew their anger, look for the positive when all they see in a moment is the negative. They learn to behave the way they want their partner to behave. Good marriage partners don't believe that their marriage will be better when their partner changes. They know it will get better as they, themselves, change.  They don't try to get even, or try to make sure they get their fair share. They look for ways that they can make life better, and when asked, they give kind useful feedback. Good partners learn to ask for feedback from the one they love, knowing that whatever they say, their partner loves and cares for them. They don't avoid conflict, they work through it until they find solutions, growth, and satisfaction.

Please understand that I am not speaking from the platform of perfection on this topic. I am speaking from the arena of experience. My marriage is not perfect, we have good and bad days, weeks and months.  But it is good, and getting better as we grow older. I can look at our issues and see that we are slowly working our way through them.  We finally find we have a little more patience with each others' shortcomings. We are a little less intense with each other, a little more forgiving. It has been effort over a long time.

Now our children are creating their own lives... raising their own families... and I hope they have a vision of the unit they are working to create that will expand ours and make all our lives more full.

We BECOME what we want to be...

...by consistently being what we want to become each day. Elder Richard G. Scott.

I spent a weekend in Novemeber in Phoenix with my daughters and their friends.  It was a delightful day and a half.  The theme of the Women's conference we attended was...  Becoming.  Who am I becoming? 


DISCLAIMER:   I did not get every word or even every idea that was presented.  So I will give you what I did get and hope that triggers some ideas, thoughts, or changes for you.

On Friday evening Laurel Christiansen, Brad Wilcox and Macy Robison spoke.  (Macy Robison sang too, but we will skip that.)

The counsel given on Friday evening was to consider what we would like to change, improve or develop, and to discover our possibilities.  It is a process of discovery.    "To Him that Believeth"

Laurel Christiansen said that often things we do to "protect our faith" weakens our faith.  (Oh so true.  We must learn to not let fear make our decisions for us.)

She told us of an optimist experiment that she took on for herself.  She said that she discovered that things will work as we want them.  She quoted Elder Christopherson who said that "God is a God of high expectations."  and she quoted Moroni 7:20 and 25.  (Go ahead and read it.)  Hmmmm...    she told about how her life has not worked out as she planned.  And, she has felt that she has been faithful and prayed (doing all the right things) and still she did not have what she wanted.  She had a plan as a young woman.  Her plan A has not come to fruition and she feels like plan B, C, D, E.........   She is now working on plan K.  It has been frustrating and seemingly not fair.

She decided that she needed to focus on :  Pray with faith
                                                                 Think with faith
                                                                 Live with faith.

She also realized that she had developed some inaccuracies about her life.   (Don't we all!!!)

She then quoted Matthew 7:7-9 in the New Testament, and told us that she got a blessing.  In that blessing she was told "Your Father in Heaven wants to give you bread when you ask for bread."

MY NOTE:  I have found that we need to learn to pray specifically and straightforwardly.  Think through your worries, woes, trials, issues, passions, concerns, desires.  Go to the Lord with as much information, thoughts and ideas you can muster about any of them.  He will give you bread when you ask for bread.

3 Nephi 18:20
D&C 9:7-8

Laurel also said that "when you know that what you are praying for is right, it is easy to pray with faith."  (So true.  Once you realize that what you are trying to do is right and you pray for that, about that, the world will fall into place.)

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  You Learn by Living

Eleanor Roosevelt Quotes  (Check out this site for a BUNCH of great Eleanor Roosevelt quotes)  “Do one thing everyday that scares you.” (HA  Great Counsel!)

Enough for tonight.  I will continue this at a later date... soon.

I Have a Snake

Well, I don't really have a snake.  He lives in a little blue spruce bush by my patio.  This bush is between the patio and the walk, so I see him every time I walk down that path.  He is a pretty big garter snake- the biggest I have ever seen.  Yesterday he would not move.  I stood and watched him for a while, I walked by many times as I worked in the garden.  Then he changed position and I could see his entire body.  A wide spot in his middle revealed that he had recently eaten a small creature.... probably a mouse.  YAHOO.    He may stay in the garden. He has proven his usefulness.  Now, I wonder if he could eat that little rabbit that keeps hopping through the garden and chewing off all the flower heads.

SHE is Responsible for Her Home

In the grand scheme of things a woman is responsible for her home.  I know that might draw fire from all kinds of people and forums, but it is true.  A woman is the heart of any home.  That heart will show itself in a hundred different ways, with a hundred different results, but it is true.  I am not saying that a man cannot create a home, he can, but if there is a woman there, she creates the heart of it.  It does not matter if she is single, married, has children or not.  In all she does and does not do, she creates and maintains the spirit and atmosphere in her home.

There are some elements of a home that can be delegated by a woman and there are some elements that cannot.  An example of delegateable (a word?) elements: housekeeping and interior design.  Those parts of creating and maintaining a home may be delegated (in part or totally).  I remember a general authority of the church telling the story of a bishop or stake president counseling a man concerning his marriage.  The man loved his wife,  and acknowledged her accomplishments and talents freely.  But he could not get over the fact that she was a terrible housekeeper.  It was destroying their marriage.  The counsel of that Priesthood leader was HIRE A HOUSEKEEPER!!  I concur.  Because a woman is responsible for her home does not mean that she must do EVERYTHING related to that home any more than a CEO does every job in his company.

For me the killer was interior design.  When I first married I felt I had no design genes at all.  Jeff did.  He knew what looked great and what did not, and I relied on him. It worked.  In these later years I have gotten more sure of myself, or I have come to feel fine about what I like.  As a result, I chose  (in consultation with my man, Jeff) the colors, window treatments, and furniture for our new bedroom...  AND I love that room.  Our house is comfortable, warm and welcoming.  It pleases me greatly to walk in and sigh with contentment. It is always a good choice to learn from those we know have more skill than we do.

There are, however, elements of creating and maintaining a home that a woman cannot delegate.  Generally, when Dad wakes up grumpy, he goes to work grumpy.  OK.  But when Mom wakes up grumpy, by the time everyone leaves for work and school, everyone is grumpy.    If Mom comes home from work grumpy, by bath time, everyone is grumpy.  When she is nervous or on edge because of super stressors everyone is edgy, short tempered, and snippy.  Dad can run interference (thankfully) and help mitigate the consequences of grumpy, sad, worried, stressed Mom, but the underlying current is in her hands.  She must see it, deal with it, work through it and make life better for herself and everyone around her.  It is her responsibility to create and maintain a place that is safe from the world, a haven that welcomes the members of the family and those they invite in to share that haven.  Happily, she does not do this without resources.  There are plenty of how to books and blogs, and plenty of counsel from those have spiritual stewardship for her.  The scriptures and prayer will yield much in the way of guidance, and perfection is not necessary in this realm.  She learns as she crashes and burns, gets up and tries again... and again... and again...

Wonderfully, children and husbands are resilient and quick to forgive this woman they love SO MUCH.  So each time she has to correct her course of action, they are right there, ready for the next step.  They settle into the new positive course as quickly as she makes the turn.  They are happy when she is happy. 

ALSO,  the other side is true as well.  When Mom is happy, positive, and content so is her family.  She sends them out with her attitude, her outlook, her perspective.  They go about their day with her blessing and influence enveloping them.  So often good days can be traced back to Mom and the last thing she said or did before the children left the house.

I am not saying Dad has no influence, he does.  Children watch him, mimic him, cry for him, love every moment he is home.  But, the home is Mom's responsibility.  It is her realm.  She will answer to the Lord for how she handled that responsibility when she stands before Him after death.  She does not need to be perfect (children need difficulties to learn to deal with the world, and home is the perfect place to get them). She does not need to be the perfect cook, housekeeper, homework monitor, laundry lady or interior designer.  She needs to be a problem solver, a prayer, a forgiver, a teacher, and she needs to love her family above all else.  It is a wise plan.  It is a plan that brings satisfaction and joy to all involved. 

Simple is not Stupid

Today the Amish of the Sugar Valley Produce Auction held their first annual consignment auction. There has been excitement for days, and people have been unloading items all week.  They had everything from old rims and dressers (ours) to Amish made quilts.  The one I did not bid on, sadly, looked much like the one in this picture.  Next year I will bid on everything I like.  This quilt went for 175.00 and I am so sad it is not now on my guest room bed.  *sigh*

I was amazed at the organization and coordinated effort that made this event possible.   There are 53 families who operate the produce auction, and those same families ran the auction today. They had Amish barbecued chicken, homemade pies and cookies, huge hoagie sandwiches and all kinds of stuff to drink and snack on.  They had 3 Amish auctioneers working simultaneously.  Each auctioneer had his own style and sound.  The man who was auctioning the quilts had great comments to make about each quilt and quilt top that was sold.  From comments about wild colors (??) and which ones would look good in an all white room.  The man who was auctioning the farm equipment, windows and screen doors was singing his auction.  I had to stand and listen for some time to appreciate his rhythm and lilt. 

It was a delightful morning/day.  Jeff is still there watching for the sale of a plow to pull behind the 4 wheeler and a LARGE dog cage for Kona.  Spring really is here today.

Reverencing the Savior

Dad gave a talk a few weeks ago about reverencing the Savior.  I have pulled a couple of quotes from it to share.  He quoted Elder Dennis B Neuenschwander:

•  Our ability to seek, recognize, and reverence the holy above the profane, and the sacred above the secular, defines our spirituality.  Indeed without the holy and sacred, we are left with only the profane and secular.
• Great personal preparation is required for us to receive the spiritual benefit of standing in holy places. Holy places and sacred space are also distinguished by the sacrifice they require.  
• Elder Ballard taught that the word sacrifice  means literally to make sacred  or to render sacred.  The words sacred and sacrifice come from the same root.  One may not have the sacred without first sacrificing something for it.  There can be no sacred without personal sacrifice.  Sacrifice sanctifies the sacred.
• The blessings of the temple are intertwined and inseparable from significant sacrifice.  The ordinances performed therein provide access to the full expression of the Savior's atoning sacrifice.

Dad's final comments were: 

What a sweet experience it will be to have the knowledge and testimony necessary to be able to hand our life over to the Savior, saying, "I know who you are, and I am your servant.  Do with me as you like."

When we are able to, without hesitation, know that because of His atonement, Jesus Christ will, in times of need, make up the difference for us, if we but ask, then we can be assured that we are on the right path.  We then know that He is our Redeemer and our way back to our Father in Heaven.

My Man

There are things about Jeff that bother me, that irritate me, that make me feel so impatient.  But there are so many more things about him that I love and appreciate. Because the things that irritate are so RIGHT THERE, the wonderful things are sometimes ignored.  BUT I want the world to know what a good man he is, how much I appreciate all that he is.  Therefore...

•  When I come home from work and I find the dishes done and the bed made, I sigh with contentment.
• When he cuddles up in bed and wraps himself all around me, I am warm.  (when he is away, I am never warm in bed, unless I am having a hot flash and hot flashes never warm me all the way to my toes.)
• He always takes out the trash and the compost, even when the snow is knee deep.
• He is willing to wash the car (because I want him to) even in the freezing cold weather of January and February.
• Sometimes his eyes well up when he looks at me for no reason other than he loves me.
• He sings along with the IPod.
• He is artistic.  His specialty is outside landscaping.  His masterpieces makes me smile when I come home or step out onto the deck.
• He loves his garden and proves it with his work. 
• The deer in our woods love him.  In the summer while he works in the garden they will come to the field and watch him while they nibble the clover, and in the winter he feeds them nearly every day.
• He feeds the turkeys and deer all winter long.  He seldom misses a day.
• I love when he suggests the hot tub.  Even when I don't really want to go out, I do, and I am always glad I did.
• He looks GREAT in a white shirt and jeans.
• He loves our kids.

Fasting is NOT

I watched Elder Bednar give an interview today.  I think it is on lds.org.  He was talking about being an Apostle of the Lord.  He was answering questions that were posed by?  I don't know who.  BUT, before I tell you what he said about fasting, let me say that I have never liked listening to him.  I always felt that if I knew him there would be a definite personality clash going on.  

Well, today I saw a different man.  I don't know if he has changed, or if I have changed my view of life and leaders.  But he bore such a great testimony, taught such simple sweet truths, and spoke so lovingly.  I was amazed.  Maybe  he is now comfortable with his calling, understands it better, or has come to love the people of the world (outside the world of Utah and Idaho). Maybe I am ready to hear what he has to say.

Today he spoke of his experiences with and love for the people of the world.  He talked about a lesson he learned in Africa.  It was a lesson on fasting.  He sat in a Sunday School class in a branch in Africa.  This is an area where they only get one meal a day, and that is on a good day.  They are not starving, but they are always hungry.  The sister teaching the class was a convert of 8 months.  She told the members of her class that when they have no food to eat, it is not fasting.  It is only fasting when they have food and choose not to eat.

Elder Bednar was obviously touched by the testimony and conversion of this woman. He was touched by her understanding of gospel principles at such an early "age" in the gospel.  I was touched by his willingness to share, not only the lesson this Sister taught, but his learning during his experience in that Sunday School class. 

Now I will eagerly await his conference addresses.  He is a man of God.  He is an Apostle of God.  He is not arrogant.  Maybe I am less arrogant and more willing to learn.

I Hate the Tee Bar

I am afraid of skiing.  The first trip every year is the same. My heart starts pounding when we drive into the parking lot.  By the time I am on the chair lift my mouth is dry and my palms are sweaty.  On Thursday I had the same experience.  Then I found that the chair lift was closed and I had to ride the Tee Bar lift. Great!! I am worse on the Tee Bar than on the chair lift.  I was able to attach myself to the Tee Bar and start up the mountain.  I did not fall down. I was pleased and feeling comfortable.   I made it to the top and started to move away from the lift.  Then I got my coat caught on the cross bar of the Tee Bar and found myself being dragged on the snow headed back down the mountain.

I panicked. And screamed JEFF!  What could he do?  He was on the Tee Bar behind me.  As I was headed for the down side of the mountain, I managed to get the bottom of my coat removed from Tee Bar and there I lay on the snow with Jeff, on the Tee Bar, headed right for me.  This was just not looking good. 

I tried to scoot out of the way.  No luck.  As Jeff came next to me, I reached out my pole and he pulled me up.  It was over and we skied on our way.   It was a great day.

"Adversity is like a strong wind.  I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go.  It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be." 

--Sayuri of Memoir of a Geisha 

What does adversity reveal about you?

The Things That Matter Most

In Luke chapter 11, Jesus went to a certain village and a woman named Martha received him into her house. She had a sister called Mary, which sat at Jesus' feet and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered (hindered troubled, overloaded, burdened) about much serving ,and came to him and said, Lord dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, thou are careful (worried) and troubled about many things. But one thing is needful and Martha hath chosen that good part...

In Oct Conference Pres Uchtdorf addressed the things that matter most. His counsel emphasized that we need to slow down, because attending to the things that matter most takes quiet time, a slower pace.

“When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be.” We think somehow that if we work harder things will get better. It does not work that way. The difficult parts of this life are not meant to be circumvented. They are meant to be dealt with, worked through and learned from. If we are putting our head down and plowing through without stopping to see, listen and learn, we miss much in this life.

Elijah taught a great lesson in 1 King chap 19. He was on Jezebel's most wanted list. He was living in a cave. His prayer to the Lord was “the people have forsaken their covenants, thrown down thine alters and slain thy prophets... I am the only one left.” The Lord told him to “go forth and stand upon the mount...” and the scriptures say “The Lord passed by.  A great and strong wind rent the mountains, breaking the rocks, but the Lord was not in the wind. Then there was an earthquake but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire, but he was not there. After the fire a still small voice. "And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entering of the cave. THEN there came a voice unto him and said, What doest thou here Elijah?” Elijah repeated his concern, and THEN the Lord gave him direction... It might be repetitive, but I am going to say the Lord asked him to repeat his concerns when he (Elijah) was quiet and listening to the still small voice.

The plan of salvation is simple and plain, with enough depth to address the most complex matters and simple enough to, if sought, will simplify our lives so that we can find joy in this life no matter what our situation. Don't be lured away by the sophisticated world.... There is no peace there. Peace comes as we seek the gospel, and listen for quiet direction and reassurance. Sometimes we are already headed in the right direction. We just need to stop, listen, appreciate the peace and quiet.

Another caution: Pres Uchdorf said---

“It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks. “

The solution in our lives:

“develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.” Those two things MATTER MOST

“The search for the best things inevitably leads to the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ—the simple and beautiful truths revealed to us by a caring, eternal, and all-knowing Father in Heaven. These core doctrines and principles, though simple enough for a child to understand, provide the answers to the most complex questions of life.

There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.”

AND I would add. Don't be afraid to take life step by step. That is living by faith. Trust the answers you have been given.... Trust that as you follow through on inspiration/revelation you will be given the next piece when it is time. Live your life as you are in the middle of it. I like to be in control. I like to know where I am headed. When we put our house in MD on the market 7 years ago, I only knew we were doing the right thing. I could not get a vision of what was coming next. I was more than a little irritated. I wanted a long term view of what was coming. It never happened. For the first time in my adult life, I could not see where I was going. I could not see down the road. But, as I look back now and see what has come about in the last 6 or so years, I am not disappointed. It is ok to not know the distance. It is important to trust that the Lord knows what he is doing. That is the process of turning toward our Father in Heaven, and “turning our ways to His ways is the beginning of our wisdom. “

“I think most of us intuitively understand how important the fundamentals are. It is just that we sometimes get distracted by so many things that seem more enticing. “ or I would add more pressing things. Like Martha we are cumbered about.... too busy with our lives to slow down. But it is a trick, and illusion that busy is productive or busy is successful. Slowing down and listening is vital.

Pres Uchdorf...

“The holy scriptures and the spoken word of the living prophets give emphasis to the fundamental principles and doctrines of the gospel. The reason we return to these foundational principles, to the pure doctrines, is because they are the gateway to truths of profound meaning. They are the door to experiences of sublime importance that would otherwise be beyond our capacity to comprehend.

“we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most.

So what are the things that matter most?

The things that matter most are our relationships with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves.

The psalmist tells us to Be still, and know that I am God: but being still brings us more than just knowing that God is God. It takes us from the world and its distractions to a place that we can come to understand with clarity the principles of the gospel. A place where we can see clearly what is most important.

The only way to focus on the things that matter most is to slow down. The Spirit cannot be rushed... Don't get me wrong, There are moments when we need revelation, inspiration, spiritual assistance in a flash... And it is available to us. But there is more to life than getting from crisis to crisis. Joseph Smith said that we as Latter Day Saints live far below our privileges.. That counsel has been repeated often in recent years. We do that because instead of taking time to listen to the Lord we continue to rush about putting out fires, and thinking we know best.

We do not know what is best. Heavenly Father does. If we can learn to slow down, stop hurrying through our trials will our heads bent, we will live up to our spiritual privileges. Our life will be much more than we can see at any given moment.