She was left alone at 14. Her father died and her mother moved away to be a nanny. She was shy, painfully shy. She would be so all her life. At 18, after getting through high school, she met her husband. He was everything she was not. Loud, outspoken, brazen, would say anything to anyone. For him it was love at first sight. For her, I don't know. She never told me.
He was warned by his brother. He could never hurt her or he would answer to his brother. He tried his whole life to keep that promise. It was broken, without doubt. We cannot live for 40+ years with someone and not hurt them. It is not possible. But he tried. She made no such promise to anyone. She hurt him too.
All her life she wanted to be a mother. All her life. She saw a good life ahead with her strong, wild and slightly crazy man. She loved him. He was everything she was not and she had hope. Then a few months later her first baby was born too early. She died two days later. It was devastating. The family gathered as was the tradition of her world. A tiny casket was built. Food was prepared. A funeral was held. She mourned. Almost 1 ½ years later a boy was born. But, it was not what she expected. He could not nurse. She bottle fed him and mourned that she could not nurse. 15 months later another boy was born. He was early too, but not as early as her little girl and he survived. Again, he could not nurse and she mourned again. She did not nurse any of her children. She could not produce enough milk to nourish them. Was it her fault? Could she have done something different? Relaxed? Ate something different that would help her produce enough milk? It will never be known. It just wasn't.
1 ½ years later another girl was born and she rejoiced. But this one was always sick. Colds, ear infections, pneumonia... and that was in the first year. The doctor warned her that if she relaxed her vigilance the baby could die. Now she had two toddlers (boys) and a VERY sick baby. As this baby grew things did not get better. She watched her as a three year old hallucinate from high fevers as she lay in a dark room with measles and a year later had the same experience with a severe case of mumps. By this time she had another baby girl. It was hard. So hard. It was almost more than she could manage. There was no place to find relief.
In her world men did not do housework, they did not take care of babies, they worked. Her husband worked long, hard, physical hours in construction. They moved. At first there was family. Her sister and her family were close and her sister's children loved her children. But then they moved away from family. It was harder and she was alone.
Then her mother came to stay and there was relief. Mother knew children, knew cooking, knew cleaning, knew how to make it on not quite enough. She was there for several weeks or months at a time depending on the year, and it was always such a relief to have her there. They quilted together, sewed together and it was nice to able to go places without taking EVERYONE with her all the time.
A few years later another tragedy. Her husband got sick... and did not get well... for the rest of his life. Everything changed then. Everything.
to be continued....
