SHE is Responsible for Her Home

In the grand scheme of things a woman is responsible for her home.  I know that might draw fire from all kinds of people and forums, but it is true.  A woman is the heart of any home.  That heart will show itself in a hundred different ways, with a hundred different results, but it is true.  I am not saying that a man cannot create a home, he can, but if there is a woman there, she creates the heart of it.  It does not matter if she is single, married, has children or not.  In all she does and does not do, she creates and maintains the spirit and atmosphere in her home.

There are some elements of a home that can be delegated by a woman and there are some elements that cannot.  An example of delegateable (a word?) elements: housekeeping and interior design.  Those parts of creating and maintaining a home may be delegated (in part or totally).  I remember a general authority of the church telling the story of a bishop or stake president counseling a man concerning his marriage.  The man loved his wife,  and acknowledged her accomplishments and talents freely.  But he could not get over the fact that she was a terrible housekeeper.  It was destroying their marriage.  The counsel of that Priesthood leader was HIRE A HOUSEKEEPER!!  I concur.  Because a woman is responsible for her home does not mean that she must do EVERYTHING related to that home any more than a CEO does every job in his company.

For me the killer was interior design.  When I first married I felt I had no design genes at all.  Jeff did.  He knew what looked great and what did not, and I relied on him. It worked.  In these later years I have gotten more sure of myself, or I have come to feel fine about what I like.  As a result, I chose  (in consultation with my man, Jeff) the colors, window treatments, and furniture for our new bedroom...  AND I love that room.  Our house is comfortable, warm and welcoming.  It pleases me greatly to walk in and sigh with contentment. It is always a good choice to learn from those we know have more skill than we do.

There are, however, elements of creating and maintaining a home that a woman cannot delegate.  Generally, when Dad wakes up grumpy, he goes to work grumpy.  OK.  But when Mom wakes up grumpy, by the time everyone leaves for work and school, everyone is grumpy.    If Mom comes home from work grumpy, by bath time, everyone is grumpy.  When she is nervous or on edge because of super stressors everyone is edgy, short tempered, and snippy.  Dad can run interference (thankfully) and help mitigate the consequences of grumpy, sad, worried, stressed Mom, but the underlying current is in her hands.  She must see it, deal with it, work through it and make life better for herself and everyone around her.  It is her responsibility to create and maintain a place that is safe from the world, a haven that welcomes the members of the family and those they invite in to share that haven.  Happily, she does not do this without resources.  There are plenty of how to books and blogs, and plenty of counsel from those have spiritual stewardship for her.  The scriptures and prayer will yield much in the way of guidance, and perfection is not necessary in this realm.  She learns as she crashes and burns, gets up and tries again... and again... and again...

Wonderfully, children and husbands are resilient and quick to forgive this woman they love SO MUCH.  So each time she has to correct her course of action, they are right there, ready for the next step.  They settle into the new positive course as quickly as she makes the turn.  They are happy when she is happy. 

ALSO,  the other side is true as well.  When Mom is happy, positive, and content so is her family.  She sends them out with her attitude, her outlook, her perspective.  They go about their day with her blessing and influence enveloping them.  So often good days can be traced back to Mom and the last thing she said or did before the children left the house.

I am not saying Dad has no influence, he does.  Children watch him, mimic him, cry for him, love every moment he is home.  But, the home is Mom's responsibility.  It is her realm.  She will answer to the Lord for how she handled that responsibility when she stands before Him after death.  She does not need to be perfect (children need difficulties to learn to deal with the world, and home is the perfect place to get them). She does not need to be the perfect cook, housekeeper, homework monitor, laundry lady or interior designer.  She needs to be a problem solver, a prayer, a forgiver, a teacher, and she needs to love her family above all else.  It is a wise plan.  It is a plan that brings satisfaction and joy to all involved. 

Simple is not Stupid

Today the Amish of the Sugar Valley Produce Auction held their first annual consignment auction. There has been excitement for days, and people have been unloading items all week.  They had everything from old rims and dressers (ours) to Amish made quilts.  The one I did not bid on, sadly, looked much like the one in this picture.  Next year I will bid on everything I like.  This quilt went for 175.00 and I am so sad it is not now on my guest room bed.  *sigh*

I was amazed at the organization and coordinated effort that made this event possible.   There are 53 families who operate the produce auction, and those same families ran the auction today. They had Amish barbecued chicken, homemade pies and cookies, huge hoagie sandwiches and all kinds of stuff to drink and snack on.  They had 3 Amish auctioneers working simultaneously.  Each auctioneer had his own style and sound.  The man who was auctioning the quilts had great comments to make about each quilt and quilt top that was sold.  From comments about wild colors (??) and which ones would look good in an all white room.  The man who was auctioning the farm equipment, windows and screen doors was singing his auction.  I had to stand and listen for some time to appreciate his rhythm and lilt. 

It was a delightful morning/day.  Jeff is still there watching for the sale of a plow to pull behind the 4 wheeler and a LARGE dog cage for Kona.  Spring really is here today.

Reverencing the Savior

Dad gave a talk a few weeks ago about reverencing the Savior.  I have pulled a couple of quotes from it to share.  He quoted Elder Dennis B Neuenschwander:

•  Our ability to seek, recognize, and reverence the holy above the profane, and the sacred above the secular, defines our spirituality.  Indeed without the holy and sacred, we are left with only the profane and secular.
• Great personal preparation is required for us to receive the spiritual benefit of standing in holy places. Holy places and sacred space are also distinguished by the sacrifice they require.  
• Elder Ballard taught that the word sacrifice  means literally to make sacred  or to render sacred.  The words sacred and sacrifice come from the same root.  One may not have the sacred without first sacrificing something for it.  There can be no sacred without personal sacrifice.  Sacrifice sanctifies the sacred.
• The blessings of the temple are intertwined and inseparable from significant sacrifice.  The ordinances performed therein provide access to the full expression of the Savior's atoning sacrifice.

Dad's final comments were: 

What a sweet experience it will be to have the knowledge and testimony necessary to be able to hand our life over to the Savior, saying, "I know who you are, and I am your servant.  Do with me as you like."

When we are able to, without hesitation, know that because of His atonement, Jesus Christ will, in times of need, make up the difference for us, if we but ask, then we can be assured that we are on the right path.  We then know that He is our Redeemer and our way back to our Father in Heaven.

My Man

There are things about Jeff that bother me, that irritate me, that make me feel so impatient.  But there are so many more things about him that I love and appreciate. Because the things that irritate are so RIGHT THERE, the wonderful things are sometimes ignored.  BUT I want the world to know what a good man he is, how much I appreciate all that he is.  Therefore...

•  When I come home from work and I find the dishes done and the bed made, I sigh with contentment.
• When he cuddles up in bed and wraps himself all around me, I am warm.  (when he is away, I am never warm in bed, unless I am having a hot flash and hot flashes never warm me all the way to my toes.)
• He always takes out the trash and the compost, even when the snow is knee deep.
• He is willing to wash the car (because I want him to) even in the freezing cold weather of January and February.
• Sometimes his eyes well up when he looks at me for no reason other than he loves me.
• He sings along with the IPod.
• He is artistic.  His specialty is outside landscaping.  His masterpieces makes me smile when I come home or step out onto the deck.
• He loves his garden and proves it with his work. 
• The deer in our woods love him.  In the summer while he works in the garden they will come to the field and watch him while they nibble the clover, and in the winter he feeds them nearly every day.
• He feeds the turkeys and deer all winter long.  He seldom misses a day.
• I love when he suggests the hot tub.  Even when I don't really want to go out, I do, and I am always glad I did.
• He looks GREAT in a white shirt and jeans.
• He loves our kids.