On a late August day about 21 years ago, I watched J leave the house in a pink skirt and jean jacket. She had her backpack on her back and she was SO excited. I was excited for her. It was her first day of kindergarten. It would only last 3 hours.

J. was gone. I knew it would only last about 3 hours, but I was at a momentary loss. My life for the last five years had included her. She went almost everywhere I went. We did grocery shopping with a stop at McDonalds on the way home. We took weekly trips to the library to wander, read, find books, and listen to the lady who read to the kids. We did laundry and dishes, cooked dinners, made cookies, went visiting teaching and delivered newspapers on a 50 mile route. She was always there asking questions, telling me what to do and how to do it. That had changed.

Oh, we would still do those things in the summer, on weekends, during the holidays, but things would not be the same. There was a split, a tear that would not be put back together, and should not be put back together. Her life would expand to include the world of school. Mine would be lonely for a while until I adjusted to this change.

I watched the bus drive away and I walked back into the house. I wandered through the kitchen and the family room. I walked upstairs and into the girls’ bedroom. I sat down by the window and waited. I waited until the bus came up the street. I ran out of the house and to the corner to meet her. She hopped off the bus as excited as she was when she left.

I had a similar experience this week. Dad and I spent two days with P, J and their little one. We had a great two days. As we drove home I had a little revelation. J and I had reached another split. I have never hesitated to tell her what to do, how to do it and why she should do it. (I learned it from her.) I have given advice and counsel whether she wanted it or not. Sometimes it was a good thing and sometimes it WAS NOT. The Spirit whispered to me last night that I was wrong. J can live her own life, she can make her own decisions, and enjoy or suffer the consequences of those decisions. I don’t need to give my two cents on every piece of her life. If she wants my advice and my counsel, she will let me know. It is a difficult change. I want my children to be happy and to live righteous lives. However important that is, it is more important to butt out, stand by and be ready to give counsel, pray for blessings for my children and their children… and love them.

This was a sweet moment, sad because I am letting go of someone I love dearly. She is my baby. My mom duties are finished and my grandmother duties have begun. I need to embrace them, enjoy them and not waste a minute of them. *sigh*